Hmm... If only life's like fantasy, where guys and girls can just be in purely in love and be happily ever after. Or maybe there is, just that it hasn't happen on me. I still find that I cannot be the unfeeling person I've tried to be. It's hard being a cold, ruthless person. Sometimes, I just don't like to admit things directly or it's just more natural of me to be truthful to trusted friends whom I believe that they won't hurt me..
Shi ne... That's romanji word for die.. That's how I'll become for JCT. Just merely touch a bit of organic chemistry today only... Yucks, that's sheer slow. Got to hasten my pace triple!!
Ha, I can't seem to find things of some cartoon characters to buy as gifts. Not like winnie the pooh whereby I can see almost anywhere... Hmm...
Just downloaded a few lyrics to my comp, maybe I'll just post one of those lyrics here. =P
=98 Degrees - The Hardest Thing=
We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us trying to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
Someone else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that
Chorus:
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry
I can't let you see
What you mean to me
When my hands are tied
And my hearts not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never know
There can be no happy ending
Chorus
Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay
(Ooh)
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that
Chorus
I don't want to live a lie
What can I do
- Find out what I'm doing, Follow Me :)
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Yo people, I'm finally tagging another entry after the last entry which was quite outdated already. I don't know why but I just don't feel the addiction to come online that often for those days. Somehow I feel fatigue's accumulating a lot even though I try to relax myself.
Thanks people for making the chalet a nice one! The only regret was that not many year 1s are free on these dates of chalet. Otherwise, year 2s will need only to idle around during bbq. Ha, joking. This time round only manage to get Jaron to come down for the bbq. Youquan and Sabrina are uncontactable.
=Chalet Day 1=
Before I set off to meet y3 2.45 at downtown east lobby, I have myself searching for ezlink card for 15+ minutes that caused me to be slightly late. Therefore I may as well wait for lim pin knowing he's on the way to interchange soon.
Turnout's pretty good on day 1. The room isn't big so it seems squeezy for all that turned up. Compared to the last visit to Downtown East, the room decoration seems to have improved. When the TV ads of DE show up, it's a strange how fun the ads show DE to be when I'm not ready to spend on anything much.
Don't know how the check in system works. The lobby changes its place to another part of DE. Got a free swim board upon checking in. The receptionist somehow gives me that stare when I tell her I'm over 18. I don't look that old yet? Perhaps she didn't mean that way. Ha I think maybe I was just too sensitive. Ha.
The couple now willing to let others acknowledge their relationship after a long time... Hahaha, wanted to grill them with more (interview-type) questions but didn't as I thought somehow it'll turn out to be pretty stupid.
Everyone first watch superstar on channel U then spongebob squarepants on central.. It's y3's favourite show, so she cannot miss it. Lim pin was commenting on the lameness of the show. Ok, I've witnessed it.
Had dinner at BK which is so damn expensive. The only thing nice was the star wars bottle. But since there's no cap, I doubt it can be used as a bottle. Anyway, I should have tried the "galatic burgers". Looks yummy at least.
Didn't have mahjong sets to rent this time. We resort to borrow one from gerard's mother. Haha. Jaron and lim pin's hands already itching for mahjong. Ha.. Gibson's luck was really extremely bad. Lost all rounds, hahaha...
Halo 2 was most of the time what is on the TV set. Gerard brought that and MX, james, gerard were taking turns to play that. Everyone else seems bored. Or at least I am. I think y3 too, she's either stoning or smiling at her handphone.
=Chalet Day 2=
Y3, Mx, Gerard, James, DK and me stayed overnight. I was playing cards initially, then change to become a teacher. I taught y3 and DK mahjong after I teach DK bridge. There's many terminologies to remember which seems to pose more difficulty to beginners than other things else. DK has exceptionally strong sense in entertainment stuff. He picks every fun things rapidly. Oh man, either I'm just dumb or he's just smart. It takes me quite a while to pick off last time. James joined in later on and I got to re-explain.
Occasionally, I need to purposely refocus my eyes to elsewhere but it's hard with the loving couple eh... I wonder if DK has the same sentiments. =P
Had my shower quite late. Around 12 plus I think. I thought at least 1 person will bring toothpaste but turn out, opps, NO ONE!? Everyone wasn't in a sleeping mood then so I didn't sleep as well. I start making pyramid out of mahjong before extending it to igloo as claimed by y3. There's eiffel tower and jenga tower as well. Ha. After that, I still succumb to my fatigue. I'm so sorry y3 n mx have to help to keep those mahjong tiles away. Aiya, just take that as an appreciation for my effort in teaching them mahjong then. =P
Ask so... many times for the breakfast. No one gives a proper answer. End up eating the instant noodles y3 n I bought back. Diao~ I sponsor $8 for the food but seems like not much of it was eaten. Ehh....
Lunch at the food court. It's almost half as expensive as BK. But still, I felt cheated. $3 for a damn small plate of "char siew" rice. Except for gerard's $3 "char kuey" which seems lesser than mine, mx and y3's ones are a lot more.
Felt kind of bored so request wei jie to come earlier. I went for a swim with him at the pool which people can see through the sides and bottom. Yay, I think I learn a few more interesting tips from him to improve my frontcrawl style aka freestyle. I still need to practise more to ensure I can swim a longer stretch.
BBQ goes as normal... The part about skewering chickens is a bit more problematic. It's not "I" who want to skewer it. I just think it'll be easier for even heat distribution and for everyone else to eat easier.
Heineken made me quite bloated. I wasn't feeling drunk, just super uncomfortable due to the fizzy gas in my stomach.
=Chalet Day 3=
No Halo this time. Only bridge, bridge and more bridge... Somehow, mx is in his madcat form. He's rather high, keep raising the bid to 4 no triumph level and make everyone go crazy with it.
Woke up later than the checking out time. Rushed to pack and go...
=Election of New EXCO=
It's roughly the same way how lp, wj and I got elected last year. It's an event that will make some people surprised and some disappointed. There was really a serious consideration of every year 1s, who'll be more appropriate for the EXCO posts. I think that communication within EXCO and to other members need to be stressed. For my batch, I think I can work really well with lp and wj but maybe slightly lacking in the way message is passed down to members.
One who have the technical experience for a job is of course good. But for certain things, character is very important to look at when choosing a suitable person for a role as interpersonal relationship is often the underlying factor to keeping the club united.
Of course, whoever got or didn't get the posts, I wish to see all to stay united. We're still as 1 club. Hopefully, everyone can contribute indiscriminately to the club.
=Misc=
Somehow I find myself rather immature. I don't know myself that well yet. I take things on when maybe I may not even be prepared. That can only end up hurting myself ultimately. Opportunity is rare and it often slips through my hand as I'm indecisive. I need to learn to be a better person and then perhaps others will learn to cherish me as a valuable individual more.
Thanks people for making the chalet a nice one! The only regret was that not many year 1s are free on these dates of chalet. Otherwise, year 2s will need only to idle around during bbq. Ha, joking. This time round only manage to get Jaron to come down for the bbq. Youquan and Sabrina are uncontactable.
=Chalet Day 1=
Before I set off to meet y3 2.45 at downtown east lobby, I have myself searching for ezlink card for 15+ minutes that caused me to be slightly late. Therefore I may as well wait for lim pin knowing he's on the way to interchange soon.
Turnout's pretty good on day 1. The room isn't big so it seems squeezy for all that turned up. Compared to the last visit to Downtown East, the room decoration seems to have improved. When the TV ads of DE show up, it's a strange how fun the ads show DE to be when I'm not ready to spend on anything much.
Don't know how the check in system works. The lobby changes its place to another part of DE. Got a free swim board upon checking in. The receptionist somehow gives me that stare when I tell her I'm over 18. I don't look that old yet? Perhaps she didn't mean that way. Ha I think maybe I was just too sensitive. Ha.
The couple now willing to let others acknowledge their relationship after a long time... Hahaha, wanted to grill them with more (interview-type) questions but didn't as I thought somehow it'll turn out to be pretty stupid.
Everyone first watch superstar on channel U then spongebob squarepants on central.. It's y3's favourite show, so she cannot miss it. Lim pin was commenting on the lameness of the show. Ok, I've witnessed it.
Had dinner at BK which is so damn expensive. The only thing nice was the star wars bottle. But since there's no cap, I doubt it can be used as a bottle. Anyway, I should have tried the "galatic burgers". Looks yummy at least.
Didn't have mahjong sets to rent this time. We resort to borrow one from gerard's mother. Haha. Jaron and lim pin's hands already itching for mahjong. Ha.. Gibson's luck was really extremely bad. Lost all rounds, hahaha...
Halo 2 was most of the time what is on the TV set. Gerard brought that and MX, james, gerard were taking turns to play that. Everyone else seems bored. Or at least I am. I think y3 too, she's either stoning or smiling at her handphone.
=Chalet Day 2=
Y3, Mx, Gerard, James, DK and me stayed overnight. I was playing cards initially, then change to become a teacher. I taught y3 and DK mahjong after I teach DK bridge. There's many terminologies to remember which seems to pose more difficulty to beginners than other things else. DK has exceptionally strong sense in entertainment stuff. He picks every fun things rapidly. Oh man, either I'm just dumb or he's just smart. It takes me quite a while to pick off last time. James joined in later on and I got to re-explain.
Occasionally, I need to purposely refocus my eyes to elsewhere but it's hard with the loving couple eh... I wonder if DK has the same sentiments. =P
Had my shower quite late. Around 12 plus I think. I thought at least 1 person will bring toothpaste but turn out, opps, NO ONE!? Everyone wasn't in a sleeping mood then so I didn't sleep as well. I start making pyramid out of mahjong before extending it to igloo as claimed by y3. There's eiffel tower and jenga tower as well. Ha. After that, I still succumb to my fatigue. I'm so sorry y3 n mx have to help to keep those mahjong tiles away. Aiya, just take that as an appreciation for my effort in teaching them mahjong then. =P
Ask so... many times for the breakfast. No one gives a proper answer. End up eating the instant noodles y3 n I bought back. Diao~ I sponsor $8 for the food but seems like not much of it was eaten. Ehh....
Lunch at the food court. It's almost half as expensive as BK. But still, I felt cheated. $3 for a damn small plate of "char siew" rice. Except for gerard's $3 "char kuey" which seems lesser than mine, mx and y3's ones are a lot more.
Felt kind of bored so request wei jie to come earlier. I went for a swim with him at the pool which people can see through the sides and bottom. Yay, I think I learn a few more interesting tips from him to improve my frontcrawl style aka freestyle. I still need to practise more to ensure I can swim a longer stretch.
BBQ goes as normal... The part about skewering chickens is a bit more problematic. It's not "I" who want to skewer it. I just think it'll be easier for even heat distribution and for everyone else to eat easier.
Heineken made me quite bloated. I wasn't feeling drunk, just super uncomfortable due to the fizzy gas in my stomach.
=Chalet Day 3=
No Halo this time. Only bridge, bridge and more bridge... Somehow, mx is in his madcat form. He's rather high, keep raising the bid to 4 no triumph level and make everyone go crazy with it.
Woke up later than the checking out time. Rushed to pack and go...
=Election of New EXCO=
It's roughly the same way how lp, wj and I got elected last year. It's an event that will make some people surprised and some disappointed. There was really a serious consideration of every year 1s, who'll be more appropriate for the EXCO posts. I think that communication within EXCO and to other members need to be stressed. For my batch, I think I can work really well with lp and wj but maybe slightly lacking in the way message is passed down to members.
One who have the technical experience for a job is of course good. But for certain things, character is very important to look at when choosing a suitable person for a role as interpersonal relationship is often the underlying factor to keeping the club united.
Of course, whoever got or didn't get the posts, I wish to see all to stay united. We're still as 1 club. Hopefully, everyone can contribute indiscriminately to the club.
=Misc=
Somehow I find myself rather immature. I don't know myself that well yet. I take things on when maybe I may not even be prepared. That can only end up hurting myself ultimately. Opportunity is rare and it often slips through my hand as I'm indecisive. I need to learn to be a better person and then perhaps others will learn to cherish me as a valuable individual more.
Weather's getting so freaking hot nowadays. Imagine having intense heat from both the weather and the fire from bbq, how will that be like? I've got nothing to say about any other things else. I came across this short story which seems like a new one as I've not seen this one before. Here it goes:
==============================================
my mom only had one eye.
i hated her... she was such an embarressment..
my mom ran a small shop at a flea market.
she collected little weeds and such to sell...
anything for the money we needed
she was such an embarressment.
there was this one day during elementary school..
it was field day, and my mom came.
i was so embarressed. how could she do this to
me? i threw her a hateful look and ran out.
the next day at school...
"your mom only has one eye?!?!" ..and they
taunted me.
i wished that my mom would just dissappear from
this world
so i said to my mom,
"mom.. why dont you have the other eye?!
if you're only gonna make me a laughingstock,
why dont you just die?!!!"
my mom did not respond..
i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, it
felt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to
say all this time..
maybe it was because my mom hadnt punished
me,
but i didnt think that i had hurt her feelings very
badly.
that night...
i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass
of water.
my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she
was afraid that she might wake me.
i took a look at her, then turned away.
because of the thing i had said to her earlier, there
was something pinching at me in the corner of my
heart.
even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of
her one eye. so i told myself that i would grow up
and become successful.
cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our
desperate poverty..
then i studied real hard.
i left my mother and came to Seoul and studied,
and got accepted in the Seoul University with all
the confidence i had.
then, i got married.
i bought a house of my own.
then i had kids, too..
now i'm living happily as a successful man.
i like it here because it's a place that doesnt
remind me of my mom.
this happiness was getting bigger and bigger,
when..
what?!
who's this?!
...it was my mother...
..still with her one eye.
it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.
my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
and i asked her,
"who are you?!"
"i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. i
screamed at her," how dare you come to my
house and scare my daughter!"
"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
and to this, my mother quietly answered,
"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrong
address,"
and she dissappeared out of sight.
thank good ness... she doesnt recognize me..
i was quite relieved.
i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think
about this for the rest of my life.
then a wave of relief came upon me...
one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came
to my house. so, lying to my wife that i was going
on a business trip, i went.
after the reunion, i went down to the old shack,
that i used to call a house...just out of curiosity
there, i found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
but i did not shed a single tear.
she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a
letter to me.
my son...
i think my life has been long enough now..
and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...
but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to
come visit me once in a while?
i miss you so much.. and i was so glad when i
heard you were coming for the reunion.
but i decided not to go to the school.
...for you...
and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i was
an embarressment for you.
you see, when you were very little, you got into
an
accident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i couldnt
stand watching you having to grow up with only
one eye... so i gave you mine...
i was so proud of my son that was seeing a
whole
new world for me, in my place, with that eye. i
was
never upset at you for anything you did.. the
couple times that you were angry with me,.. i
thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me..'
my son... oh, my son...
i dont want you to cry for me, because of my
death.
please dont cry....
my son, i love you so much.
something gripped the corner of my heart.
and tears were flowing from the eye that my
mother had given me..
my mom... my loving mom..
===============================================
==============================================
my mom only had one eye.
i hated her... she was such an embarressment..
my mom ran a small shop at a flea market.
she collected little weeds and such to sell...
anything for the money we needed
she was such an embarressment.
there was this one day during elementary school..
it was field day, and my mom came.
i was so embarressed. how could she do this to
me? i threw her a hateful look and ran out.
the next day at school...
"your mom only has one eye?!?!" ..and they
taunted me.
i wished that my mom would just dissappear from
this world
so i said to my mom,
"mom.. why dont you have the other eye?!
if you're only gonna make me a laughingstock,
why dont you just die?!!!"
my mom did not respond..
i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, it
felt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to
say all this time..
maybe it was because my mom hadnt punished
me,
but i didnt think that i had hurt her feelings very
badly.
that night...
i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass
of water.
my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she
was afraid that she might wake me.
i took a look at her, then turned away.
because of the thing i had said to her earlier, there
was something pinching at me in the corner of my
heart.
even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of
her one eye. so i told myself that i would grow up
and become successful.
cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our
desperate poverty..
then i studied real hard.
i left my mother and came to Seoul and studied,
and got accepted in the Seoul University with all
the confidence i had.
then, i got married.
i bought a house of my own.
then i had kids, too..
now i'm living happily as a successful man.
i like it here because it's a place that doesnt
remind me of my mom.
this happiness was getting bigger and bigger,
when..
what?!
who's this?!
...it was my mother...
..still with her one eye.
it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.
my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
and i asked her,
"who are you?!"
"i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. i
screamed at her," how dare you come to my
house and scare my daughter!"
"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
and to this, my mother quietly answered,
"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrong
address,"
and she dissappeared out of sight.
thank good ness... she doesnt recognize me..
i was quite relieved.
i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think
about this for the rest of my life.
then a wave of relief came upon me...
one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came
to my house. so, lying to my wife that i was going
on a business trip, i went.
after the reunion, i went down to the old shack,
that i used to call a house...just out of curiosity
there, i found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
but i did not shed a single tear.
she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a
letter to me.
my son...
i think my life has been long enough now..
and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...
but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to
come visit me once in a while?
i miss you so much.. and i was so glad when i
heard you were coming for the reunion.
but i decided not to go to the school.
...for you...
and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i was
an embarressment for you.
you see, when you were very little, you got into
an
accident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i couldnt
stand watching you having to grow up with only
one eye... so i gave you mine...
i was so proud of my son that was seeing a
whole
new world for me, in my place, with that eye. i
was
never upset at you for anything you did.. the
couple times that you were angry with me,.. i
thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me..'
my son... oh, my son...
i dont want you to cry for me, because of my
death.
please dont cry....
my son, i love you so much.
something gripped the corner of my heart.
and tears were flowing from the eye that my
mother had given me..
my mom... my loving mom..
===============================================
It's really dreadfully hot for the past few days. I've been sweating awfully much, making my neck itchy. Yucks, especially when I'm doing housework.
I felt so guilty exploding on my parents when my mood is so foul. I don't know since when have I become so sensitive to words. Some words that were mentioned by them pricked me a lot even though after thinking through, it's rather mild which when similarly said by a friend, I won't even react to that.
A friend actually asks me what do I do in Friendster. It's a funny thing really. I can't even give a reasonable answer for that other than just accept "friends" whom I don't even know? There's a lot more features coming up like the "Classified" section but it's not for me yet. Haha... I doubt if I really do keep in contact with even 1/4 of all my primary friends in there.
I've seen a couple of lines I came across I thought seem to describe how I am.
- The guy who love you, actually always make you mad, but he never knew what stupid things he had done, as everything he did, is for your own good.
- The guy who love you, seldom praise you, but in his heart, you are the best, only he knows it.
- The guy who love you, maybe can't remember special occasion like some kind of anniversary, but he do know that every second he live, he's loving you no matter what day is today.
- The guy who love you, if he can't always see you, he will try to make himself busy, for not to have any time to remember you, because he knew if he did, he will keep on missing you until he could do nothing.
- The guy who love you, don't like little toy like teddy bear, but he will always put the bear you give him at his bed.
- The guy who really love you, will feel that sometimes, something have to be told for only
once, because he thought that u might already understand him, if talk so much, he will feel that
there's nothing you will cherish.
I felt so guilty exploding on my parents when my mood is so foul. I don't know since when have I become so sensitive to words. Some words that were mentioned by them pricked me a lot even though after thinking through, it's rather mild which when similarly said by a friend, I won't even react to that.
A friend actually asks me what do I do in Friendster. It's a funny thing really. I can't even give a reasonable answer for that other than just accept "friends" whom I don't even know? There's a lot more features coming up like the "Classified" section but it's not for me yet. Haha... I doubt if I really do keep in contact with even 1/4 of all my primary friends in there.
I've seen a couple of lines I came across I thought seem to describe how I am.
- The guy who love you, actually always make you mad, but he never knew what stupid things he had done, as everything he did, is for your own good.
- The guy who love you, seldom praise you, but in his heart, you are the best, only he knows it.
- The guy who love you, maybe can't remember special occasion like some kind of anniversary, but he do know that every second he live, he's loving you no matter what day is today.
- The guy who love you, if he can't always see you, he will try to make himself busy, for not to have any time to remember you, because he knew if he did, he will keep on missing you until he could do nothing.
- The guy who love you, don't like little toy like teddy bear, but he will always put the bear you give him at his bed.
- The guy who really love you, will feel that sometimes, something have to be told for only
once, because he thought that u might already understand him, if talk so much, he will feel that
there's nothing you will cherish.
I feel kind of weird when people treat me overly nice. Sounds stupid and contradictory but that's just how my brain works. Subconsciously, a comparison will be drawn of how badly I've been treated and how nice some people can be. If only I can choose what to be remembered, what to be forgotten. (eg: tutorials and revision can't be forgotten... birthdays also. Will get blamed for sure)
Tired. I shall stop here. =X
Tired. I shall stop here. =X
