Lots of things going through my mind now. Rougher than turbulent if there's such a description. If I were to go for GIP Google, I had to sacrifice lots of things. I will

NOT BE:

• with my loved ones.
• around during CNY, reunion with all my family and relatives
• collecting hong bao.
• spending time with bao =((
• having any birthday celebration
• having much time to play unlike others in IA period.

and I will BE:

• alone, sad, cold in the winter period.
• cooking for eating is expensive there too, surprisingly.
• staying with people I do not know.
• work, work, work and then study on Saturday.
• be trained to speak every thing in Chinese. (It's actually very hard because most of the specific computer terms I do not know the chinese equivalent names)
• missing all the Singapore food, home-cooked ones especially.
• away from hall, meaning MIA from all the hall commitments that I am in (Cheerleading, WSC, publication subcom, Megafest)
  

On a serious note, the thing that perturbs me most is having to fork out more than $6000 for the global immersion. My IA allowance won't even cover 1/6 of it. Grant application had closed. The only thing available is loan. My mum will need to fork out that amount for me first. Unlike most of my other peers who can actually afford this comfortably, I am kind of uncomfortable with my mum forking out the money. Since I had decided to pay for the 4 years of university fees myself (through bank loan first), I decided that I should bear the cost of my own education fees. My other peers could be much better off in their career next time without having to clear debts but that's their life. Mine's different. Calculating my father's monthly income (without CPF) and a housewife's money, I'm doubting how much money that could be. Feeling so heavy a burden.

Is this all worth it for a HOPE of better future?

This semester, the 2 sociological courses I'm undertaking make me have a different view of society. No, or rather, if I was not needed to take the electives, I would never have stop and think about how inequality in the world exists and why they continue to exist for centuries despite the outcries of people who demand for equality. One interesting thing is that my lecturer said, "you think you see race but you don't. It is a social construction." The so called race that most people see is unconsciously tied up with stereotypes that leads to most people accepting each other of the same "colour". However, if what sociology teaches people to see the society in a different light, why are most people not taught that?

I've been feeling lazy. I've not watched a movie, shopping, cycling, played a video game or gymming for a long time. I'm staying at home staring at the computer screen alternating between Facebook and lecture notes. Other than that, I'm dedicating my soul to hall activities. Recently I designed a couple of logos. Here's a preview of the ones I did. I really thought it's not bad but it was not what my committee thinks. So upset.

What do you do if someone does not accept your apology?