Friday night, I went out to phuture to celebrate for Lisie and EJ's birthdays. Thought of something quite embarrassing when I thought that phuture was future until I saw the sign outside. Hee, sounds lame right.. Met up with Keith and Wong first at great world city. Forgotten that there's a bus 147 that goes there, ended up taking taxi to there. Supposed to meet them at 8.30 pm, reached there an hour later. =P Ate something there and bought a mint chocolate cake there. Wong said it will be weird to have present yet no cake, so keith and him bought one... Waited for GY and Staff Ong and CB later on before proceeding in. Unfortunately the cake can't be brought in, so have to deposit that in the food corner.

CAIS sms me and claim that I ps him again because I didn't inform him. I thought since it's his L's birthday, he'll probably know about it. But anyway, I told him we're at zouk. Phuture's music is trance that day and I didn't quite like it... Lots of smoke also... It just gets my eyes pretty irritated. Zouk's having R&B, hip-hop hence we switched. I like the design of the place. The passage joining the 3 has the design of ice-cave on slope... Most of the place we want to put our butts on were already reserved. Staff Ong daringly put the tag away and everyone just sat there pretending the tag was never there. The crews obviously know about it and we were allowed there only as long as the customers who reserved the table aren't here.

At the centre of the stage were some Caucasians making fun of themselves by manoeuvring stupid crude dance that made many laughed their heads off. The main characters aren't here yet so there we are entertaining ourselves. I guess being the oldest in the group got to take the lead to entertain... As usual, Staff Ong keep thinking of games to play to warm up the group. The crowd there is rather different than other places I've gone to. The guys and girls are more well-dressed and looked more attractive. Our table was eventually taken by a group of girls in hip-hop fashion.

The rest of the people came in about 11 plus. Keng Xiang was quite upset by his appearance there, affecting his mood to go as high as usual. Ha, he attributed it to his book-out timing and the wedding dinner. Some people like Su, EJ and Lisie were already a bit drunk when they came over. After drinking for a while, Lisie begins to cry, Ivan was the first to notice and console her... Think it was because she thought of something sad... Hmm, it's quite unexpected and difficult to handle because she continued crying for an extended period of time. Staff Ong had challenges trying to do stupid things to humour her. Ivan did pretty well encouraging her to smile and dance though.

Later on, we decide to start on the cake seeing that Lisie's at her limit already. At the small food corner, we made such a scene there that I wonder we must have been quite a nuisance, I suppose. The girls that sat next to us were listening to our rowdy conversations about calming Lisie down when she broke out crying upon seeing the cake. She said that she was overjoyed at that moment. Here's the birthday boy and girl holding the cake knife. Cake looks nice right?

We danced pretty late in the night or early into Saturday's morning. Many of us were quite tired already but Keith and Wong were still so high. Thus, we left first. Lisie broke out crying again when she sees the present. Lol... She's so full of tears... Ha. She's got duty the next day and I wonder if she'll be able to do the next day.

Saturday's Cedric's birthday celebration. Was hesitating whether to go for it because I was so beat out yesterday already. Before that, I had a change of clothes and went to the Singapore Casket to visit Ruth. Her father just passed away. I thought I should give her a visit since the blow dealt to her would be rather heavy. Mm, her father died of cancer. Life's so vulnerable, still remembered saying hi to her father just 2 years ago.

Met up with Karin, Joemin and my brother for Kbox singing session. I was quite late. Reached there more than half an hour late. Joemin's wasting $18++ money by sitting there and not singing... Lol, nobody could force her golden mouth to sing... Somehow, everyone seems quite tired singing... Some were sleeping when others were singing.. I didn't sleep even though I slept only about 4 hours.

In the end, I chose to go for his birthday celebration. It's at M-hotel. Never heard before and has no idea what sort of place is that. It's another $0.20 worth of travelling on the taxi... Paid $3++ for my butt to sit in and figure where the place is. Many of the 209 people were there already. They were surprised to see me though. I think it's his chief's idea to get that place. Nice ambience and good scenery. Not noisy except for us... I was lucky that I wasn't their targets there so I didn't drink much. Cedric was quite drunk when his chief poured the chivas straight down from the mouth.. Oh man, that was hell lot of alcohol! Mm, everyone looked quite different when they go "chiong". Ray brought a japanese girl there whom I thought was his new girlfriend. Ha, I learnt that he has many girl friends to go out with... doesn't has to be his girlfriend. Lol. That's garfield in the picture. Don't know why is my face so yellow compared to his... Haha..

Here's another picture of Cedric drinking the special order: Lamborgini. Nobody can help him take that special order which was for him... Poor soul, taking such strong brew in his drunk state... Took another picture of him with his birthday cake. His AO was beside him and both the AO and his chief was arguing about very stupid things in their drunk state. Ha, his chief's attitude resembles Staff Ong a lot. Keith and the rest of 209 people went for the second session at double O. Wei qiang and me left earlier.

I've checked out that company profile my friend introduced to me earlier on already. It's not exactly a scam because somehow it's still about business. It's how people see it. However, I still don't like. I'm quite sure the products aren't what it's up to and I've figured out many things that happened within the company that deeply shook my confidence upon more research on my part. I felt that even though I could have earned money from the company, I still can't bear with my moral issues. I'm fortunate that I was able to see the truth clearly compared to the people who joined and quit later realising the truth at a later stage...

Couldn't find the gift that I thought of buying for the past few days. Find that one cute yet practical... Ideal to give such gift right? Mm, probably will find the gift by today...

I've been wondering for the job opportunities in front of me. It's viable to do it. But I don't want to close my options to just that even though it may seem rosy to me at the moment. I don't have the security if I just venture into it instead of focusing on my university education later on.

Mum's changed. She become more irritable since her operation. Anything you say could just spark off another argument. I gave up discussing things she knew little about. Such as my job opportunities, or whether I'll missed the dinner she cooked for me, or just anything I've forgotten to do...

University registration for A level students will come soon. I have to figure out how to change my application... I wonder will it be successful? Application will give priority to this graduate batch I suppose.

Another favourite song "Tank - 专属天使". It's touchy~ I didn't really watch "花样少年少女" but just like the song in it.

Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops is fun. Its functionality seems nothing different from the one on PS2 platform. It's engaging and even has the multi-player capability with other PSPs. Graphics is good and doesn't lag so far. No wonder it has received such good rating from Gamespot. However, I'm just not the type of person for that type of game. Die quite easily. My brother's hooked on it though. Will try out Gurumin soon!

My brother's friend says I have nasal tone in the way I sing. Haven't realise that yet. Thought mine was quite light if at all... My brother has been training singing all day long. Probably trying to attract girls by his vocal charm I guess. Hmm, seriously, there are other ways of getting to know more girls in his social circle. Wonder why he chooses to do that? Anyway, because he tried to perfect the same few songs he played on the computer every day, he made me get sick of those songs! Yucks, now I hate to hear the nice songs to be sung either by him or someone else again.

Don't like drinking beer or alcohol... But environment makes me drink pretty much. Puked last Saturday... My stomach's totally upset and I just want to refrain drinking alcohol...

Watched "Just Follow Law" today. It's quite funny throughout. It turned out better than I thought. Well, although the idea of switching gender spiritually is rather cliche, it highlights many other issues existent in the society pretty well... Made me think about it and feel touched. Ending is crappy though. Haha...

Happy Chinese New year to all!

It's not that bad to do duty on Saturday which is a New Year Eve day. There isn't any fire drill and we can enjoy steamboat dinner together. Not that bad, I'm just worried what the CO will think or do when he sees us having it at a place that we shouldn't. Ha, can't mention where though. It's really becoming more and more unbearable doing duty. Firstly due to the hot sun which makes me feel really dehydrated and de-energised. Secondly, having no one to talk to and having nothing to do make it all worse for the QM on watch. Like a idiot hanging around the QM brow. At least for the night shift, there's someone for me to talk to. =D

::CNY Day 1::
I'm really very tired due to previous day's duty doing 2nd watch. Nevertheless, I was still rather excited for the Chinese New Year. Tried so hard to bear over so many days not to wear the new clothes till CNY comes. Hee, no particular rational over it but I believe it feels much better to wear it for the first time during CNY. Hmm, this is what I wear for day 1. Actually, I saw many clothes I like when I did shopping earlier. But they were all in black and white colours which my mum won't like it for me to wear during CNY. The photos I took with my relatives aren't in my camera. I'll get them later along with those taken in Malaysia earlier.

After praying, went to 2nd Uncle's house and stayed there throughout. It's quite boring as usual and I fell asleep eventually. When I woke up, it's about time to have dinner already. Blackjack started late in the evening. I didn't seem to have much luck that day. My $10 capital losses fluctuate a lot. Ultimately, I quit after recoup $8 which makes a balance of $2 loss. Okay, I'm quite a miser in terms of losing money for gambling. Lol.

::CNY Day 2::
This was what I wear for CNY day 2. Mm, it's a wrong choice actually. The day is actually quite warm and the houses I go to don't switch on their air-con in spite of the weather condition. =X This is actually the day I collect more ang pao for me most of the times. Amount not going to be disclosed of course. Ha, I think it's quite little compared to many of my friends'. Heh, shouldn't compare... Different family background anyway.

After I collect the ang pao for the day, LAIS asked me out. I realised I didn't bring my wallet out and decided to join them later. =P However, they agreed to sponsor all my expenses. Ha, think I'm getting too embarrassed to go out with them anymore since I seem to be spending their money all the time.. =X As usual, the gang this time is GY, LAIS, Sgt Eng Joo and me. Staff Ong is out because he has a family to look out for during this time I guess. Had dinner at Sakae Sushi and ate plenty of food before we left. There's really a long queue when I reached there and all the food ordered will be served at a minimum waiting time of 30 minutes. Whew... I remembered my stomach's still growling then. Lol.

After that, we idled around for some time to take photos with our respective birth year animal sign. Photos are with LAIS. GY was rather reluctant to take photos... I think there's a reason behind it... After much plee, GY finally agreed to take photos and go to party world KTV to sing. Hmm, I think it's rather expensive there consider no extra time allowed for singing, cheapskate fruits and tidbits given. Only the drinks are of larger proportion. Yep, there's a variety of genres everyone is interested in singing so it's quite interesting. The only common thing is that everyone was singing rather sad songs in there. Lol... Why so~?

::CNY Day 3::
This is what I wear for today. Found out today that my cousin Yan Li broke up with her boyfriend. We all thought that she ditched him but turned out the other way round. She's gotten so much attention today from many relatives on how to choose prospective spouse. Oh man, spare me such attention in the future. Ha. Had "Lau Yu Sheng" at 3rd Aunt's house. Reminded me of the time I participated one at Resolution recently. That one was really madness... even the officers are not spared from the flying speckle of food. Anyway, it's crammed and noisy in there. I was sweating a lot in there. To sum up these 3 days, I didn't really gamble much or eat that much... Didn't seem much like the Chinese new year I knew since young. Anyway, here's the CNY decoration I saw at Esplanade. Many other cuttings were there, neat, intricate and creative... Really a "wow" when I look at it. What do you think?

Busy busy now... will update again when there's a chance...

I think after what she's done to me, I'm quite touched but still unable to feel that real connection between me and her. I think the fault lies in me. She has tried very hard on her part for it yet I did nothing in comparison. I wonder should I really do things with my heart or is it better to fool myself to do things out of my will? By then maybe things would have become different?

I'm just so lost. She may not be coming back. I'm utterly speechless, what am I going to say. What good will I do even if she stays...?

Had a really really pleasant birthday this year!

First of all, thanks to Kai Yang, Choon Pei, Ping Aik, Aiping, Francis, Jaron, CAIS, GY, Hoi Ching, Kingsly, Ruth, Padma, Navin, Serene, Hanwei, Karin for wishing me a happy birthday! I'm quite guilty because for many of them, I've forgotten to do the same last year.. =P

Anyway, was really surprised when Esmond messaged me to ask me out. I was thinking it's just a casual outing with the JC guys again. I agreed to him nevertheless. Least did I thought it was a gathering to celebrate my birthday. Some did not go because they were waiting for reply. Ha. It's a celebration at KBox. Didn't bring any camera so the photos are of quite low quality. Here's a snapshot of my cake. Hee, looks nice right? Lots of cream and chocolate for me to feel sinful again. Ha. The two candles sadly indicate my second phase of life. I'm now 20 already with the digit 2 in front. Lol, ok... everyone grows old, no one can be stagnant in their youth so I guess I should quit complaining and start to cherish, enjoy and lead a meaningful youthful life. Thanks Estella, Fiona, Esmond, Jian Yuan and Weiquan for being able to make the celebration successful.

:: O bar celebration ::
After the ops dinner, GY and Staff Ong insists to bring me to bar to celebrate my birthday. I'm a bit anxious about it because I hope they don't bring me to those "places". I won't want to go anyway. Anyway, I managed to go in even though I'm underage. Lol. The bouncer inside wanted to check my entry proof seal before allowing me to enter 2nd level. Ha. For the first few hours we are there, the place is still not warmed up yet. Not many people are dancing except for Keng Xiang's friends. Mm, there are only 1 eye candy there initially. Not for my age anyway. Just that Eng Joo and GY were staring at her. GY wasn't that obvious... The group of us played some games as initiated by Staff Ong to warm up the conversations. I learned quite a few but my reactions were slow and ended up getting mocked by everyone. It's okay...haha. Leslie felt a bit out of place and soon left O bar before everyone gets high enough. Mm, I'm not sure if I bored everyone when there's girl called Rachel sat beside me and started talking to me... Eng Joo told me that it's the case why he left. Erm... Anyway, here are the photos I took with my colleagues. The one in cap is Rachel. I wasn't that drunk as her and LAIS I guess. I was still alert but in a rather good mood that's all. I think it was overall quite an enjoyable experience. Thanks to GY, Staff Ong, LAIS that I can enjoy the session for free... =P It's quite expensive for having ordered so much drinks...

Mum did something simple... She bought a cake for me, sang me a song and gave me ang pao. Ha, I still like it nevertheless... I hope this year will be a good year for me and my friends.. Life's actually can be pleasant if everything is that simple.. =)

The new contact lenses feel much more comfortable. They're thinner and less dry. Should I be contented with that or should I try acuvue? I realise colour contact lenses are hard lenses. Haven't try before but heard that it's not as comfortable.

I think I should set my mind off relationships for the time being. I'm not getting it right at this moment.. I should have been in it when I'm ready and not stuck in a situation like that.

Feeling feverish since yesterday night. Been feeling emotional again... Don't know why I feel like crying every time I hear that song.

mm. Yesterday was another bad day. Upon arriving at the Tuas base, my bag strap gave way and it landed out loud on the ground. Quite embarrasing I thought, never did I thought that fall will cost my PSP LCD screen to crack and cost me $120 to repair. I discovered that only on my way from Tuas when I need that the most to keep my boring journey some entertainment... Heartache~ Sob... It's still so new you know?

On my way back, saw several patches of wet mud, thought I'll be able to keep clear of it by stepping aside which the grass covered the ground. It's still muddy. Now my shoes are stuck with the mud and soil.. Still can't be removed yet. Haiz...

When I'm back in camp, officer of the day is XO. The one I have to see regarding the mistake I made during Thursday's watch. Mm, what a coincident. It was also Staff Ong's POOD and Thiru's fire drill accessment that day. Moreover, there are 2 OJTs understudy, so definitely a fire drill will be held that day. Diao~ Was thinking that I should have finished thursday's watch and relax after the GPMG course... Wahaha... Not forgetting that I will have to muster arms that day when it's supposed to be Chia's responsibility... Well, can't be anything worse, so I still cheer myself up after that.

Found out that SGFORUMS is an interesting site, started reading recently only. Go find out if you're curious about it. Ha. Also, it's been confirmed that I have sailing on my birthday eve till my birthday. Afterwhich, I have a duty on that day too. Mm, yep, got to smile because it's the last time I'll have my birthday in camp anyway...

The main problems with me are that I can hardly be decisive, easily influenced, soft-hearted and inexperienced. Such traits are causing me to face situations helplessly. My mum believes that if something needs to be done, do it. Got to set the will and heart even if it's cruel in some ways. Well, it can be that I didn't inherit any of her traits then, lol.

Had a 10/04 outing few days back. Mm, before that I was wondering to go for it or not. So far, it hasn't really been very fun for me. Honestly speaking, the class is really fragmented. I wasn't sure if everyone is genuinely interested in the outing or just going with the flow, the mass of people in the class. Every time, when I'm out with them, I either feel happy talking to the girls or the guys at one time, not as a class no matter how much I try to sort out my conversations to suit both. Somehow I just never get to voice this out but it just feels so uncomfortable...

However, it's a rare occasion for my class to get a gathering with Ms Fong especially after J2. Everyone changed a little bit especially the girls. Some guys still remember pretty much the same. Ha, I don't know for them how much or little I've changed... Ha, I hope other than appearance, my character is better?

The session wasn't that fruitful in that I haven't really found out what they've gone through so far. But I thought it's inevitable that the gap will widen once we embark on our separate ways... I miss the old days.

Mm... I didn't know what's on my mind... Have I become partially numb by the pain of what happened to me before? Has that made me unable to see my true feelings? I really don't know what's going on...

Happy new year!

Ha, this post came a bit late but nevertheless still here than never. Thanks to many for the new year greetings sent to me. Hope this year will be better than last year and I definitely look forward to this year. My ORD year! =P

Shall post the fireworks pictures later, haven't scale down the size for blog display yet. I tried using the night mode to take the photos. It's got a brighter ambience lighting but because I held it by hand, the fireworks turn out looking different than it ought to be. Lol, it runs out my battery faster too... I had 2 out of 3 bars and it just ran out after about 3 shots plus a few sec video clip capture? Lol...

Cai cai, eugene, ah gong and me had a long day out. Our outing was supposed to be quite short actually but had to be out there very long due to the immense crowd.. It seems that I really prefer Singapore population to be 3 million instead of 4 million... Lol. Ah gong has a big appetite, he can finish carl's junior set meal with no problem at all.. For me, finishing the side orders seem to be rather difficult and sinful already, ha. Just the size of its calamari rings can tell. That night we were pushing each other to refill the drinks... the cup is big but the drink runs out fast, (maybe we're just very thirsty?) so we refilled several times that day.

Took another driving lesson today. It's disastrous and I'm very very worried that by the time I take the TP test, I'll pass it... Guess I'll probably take that test as a learning experience then.

That day, taxis were the kings of the road. There really weren't any other vehicles except few buses occasionally. The taxis just refused to stop if you flag for them and I suppose they only take calls by which they can earn more? Luckily for me, there's a night rider bus that takes me quite near to my house otherwise gotta really get ripped by the expensive cab fares... Ha.

Had a personal problem which I don't really want to share... Felt quite troubled by it because it's my fault but I just can't help doing that... It's really what I feel about things even if it's wrong? Hmmz.... Don't know what to do... I can't be forced to things I can't get used to...

*Update*
These are the 2 pics I took from my camera. Eh, actually the effects are different but taken with night effect blends the fast moving light into disarray I suppose. Look at the second picture... Seems as if there's flame tongue in the background, haha.

It's so lucky of me to escape from duty on Christmas eve and new year eve. Ha, I must be so blessed.

Today Chief AIS talked to me regarding my life on-board ship. I was kind of shocked. Initially, I thought what kind of crap is he trying to play again... Ended up as some sort of serious chat. My surprise came from the fact that actually someone there cares about how I really feel all these while... I mean I've already trying my best to convince myself that whatever fucked up things that happen, I'll just take it in my stride since I will treat all that as my work or service in NS. After that, I'll just scram off and shoo... All the nasty things are out of my mind. That's what I thought. I couldn't really voice out how touched I was to know that actually someone cares. So should I start to change my view of the rest of the days in NS? Can I really feel like a part of the ship?

Visited Staff Lee today. His face was scratched red with a few prominent scars, other than that, he seemed okay. But the serious part of his injury is actually with his internal bleeding of organs over the past few days. He told me that it stopped now and should be able to discharge tomorrow. Well, he takes everything so firm and steady and as if he's really ready for anything. That kind of spirit is something that I always look up to.

Bought the "Secret" album. Very satisfied with the quality of her dvd album. The music videos are very colourful and lively. However, some parts are very westernised which I thought that she's very influenced by the western culture and thus the MVs are that way.

Ha.. Think I'll either be doing duty on Christmas eve or Christmas that day. No choice, that's life in NS. I think I'm getting along just fine with the ship crews and I really feel blessed sometimes that things in life are not all that bad. Wonder if there's truly god who watches over me. Hee, it's just easier to believe there is.

I'm just kind of worried for my brother at this stage. It seems that his character is very much different. More aggressive, impulsive, selfish, arrogant, domineering these days. I'm worried whether such traits will worsen further on in his life. It seems as though it's a stage under puberty but I thought he's beyond that stage. But maybe it's his mind that's undergoing some psychological change in his teenage years? I've been through that stage but I still can't seem to guide him... Wonder if it's best to just leave him as he is or continue to try to guide him along...

Went Malaysia last week. My cousin's oversea marriage took place in Port Dickson but my family and I had the chance to tour briefly other areas in Malaysia such as Malacca. It was a tour bus that I remember sitting in all the time. I didn't expect that kind of trip. Thought will be staying over at a place more often. Aunt planned this for everyone to have a short tour along the trip. But the trip was reasonably ok since it wasn't meant to be a shopping trip in the first place.

That's my brother playing his psp happily on his bus. Well.. to each his own... I get bored doing the same thing over. Seems like I've grown to become more impatient eh?

Anyway, it was my first time watching and hearing crackers explode at such a near distance. The noise is blaring loud, made me feel deaf for a short time after. Ha... Actually, I feel that it's ok for crackers to be allowed in Singapore.

I hate myself for becoming so forgetful every now and then. I kept on forgetting to bring camera at the important moments. I only managed to get a few shots of memories back there. Some were even from my hand phone in shaky motion. Lol, how pathetic.

This was taken by my phone at the wedding place. It's kind of like a restaurant near the seaside. The venue was chosen and sponsored by Chuck's parents so I suppose my cousin had little say about the wedding style over at Malaysia. These photos are of my cousin's "jie meis" and me. Feel so honoured that they wanted to take photo with me.

Anyway, here's other photos of Chuck and Karin. I think holding the skirt for bride is quite a worthwhile job. Joemin had gotten about $50 just for that. Oh, how come I never had the opportunity to help wedding couples open door and earn extra bucks... Ha... Oh I learned that drinking much water at night will make yourself look bulgy especially at the eye regions due to water retention. Interesting, isn't it?

The food in Port Dickson didn't much interest me due to the additional influence of flying creatures. Lots and lots of houseflies. The number that they come in is so much more that I think probably surpasses any lousy hawker health standard in Singapore. Not trying to be biased but that's just what I saw. However, I'm not too particular or fussy in that when I'm hungry. Feeding oneself is still important. Ha.

*Will continue the update later.. Watch out for this post. Thanks.. :D

Another post up and coming... Now it's here. Ha, not much new things to bring up actually. Did a few stupid stuff. I've got to do a safety poster by this week too. Can't think of a slogan yet...

Great news for psp homebrew lovers. Look! 3.01 can be emulated fully on devhook! Wonder what Sony's counter-reaction will be. That's its latest firmware at the moment and the hackers are at that speed of development. Considering the tight constraint running their personal life and contributing to the homebrew community concurrently, I must really respect them for their hardwork. Check out Pspupdates for more information.

Did a stupid photoshop image of myself. The one portion I'm quite happy is with the artificial hair I created by strokes of mouse movement. (Not tablet, mind you, ha) It was after much pondering that I decided to put a face in after doing the hair. Much adjustments have to be made for face size and shadows. Comments please! I'm not too pro so don't be too harsh on me all right? o_O! Maybe I'll do a better job next time. :X

Next up is the introduction of this person known as Angela Aki. Known her because she sings for FFXII's theme song, "Kiss me goodbye". Her voice is nice, strong and soothing. Only that she has her own sense of music and the overall feel of song doesn't feel too "FF" for that game. Okay, maybe that's just my feelings about the song. She's another "Utada" who can sing for both english and japanese version of that song. She doesn't look much like a japanese to me actually, ha. I suppose the direction of final fantasy in the future will probably engage professionals that are bilingual in both of these languages since it's going to be best-selling in these 2 regions especially new singers for future titles?

Today I tried to apply leave through the system. What would be good for the force didn't occur to me. I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why there's problem occuring to my account suddenly and having to go through the "ancient" method of using paper leave forms instead. I got to find this and that person just to get a form signed. That doesn't mean that the issue is closed. I found out later that I still need to inform my chief to contact someone to get my account working. (Did this confuse anyone?) But I doubt I'll see my chief any earlier due to leave clearance. Anyway, I also found out that many had applied leaves during christmas period and had been approved. That means probably I'll be singing carols in camp with other ship crews... Oh, that's pretty pathetic I think.

Found out that my mum's under lots of stress recently. She didn't tell me. I discovered that myself and tried to console her today. I'm getting more empathetic I realise. I just hope that my brother will grow mature and be understanding to my mum so that it'll be a happy family every day.

Going to put up some images of pictures taken during my cousin's Karin wedding dinner. Ha, she looks so gorgeous that day. That's a photo of her and her husband. Didn't bring my camera along so had to compromise with my hand phone camera. Took from quite a distance so the other photos of her are blur.

I did see the presentation that Joemin, me and Karin did was shown up that day. Felt happy not because I thought it was very good but what I remembered of the effort and times we tried to seek the best solution put the photos into the presentation.

However, I thought that maybe the MC are rowdy or attention-catching enough. Some tables were literally wandering off in their own topic openly while the couples were playing games as a pledge for love. Hey, I thought that part was nice and people would have loved to see. I think probably their voices were too soft and unwelcoming that's why such a thing happened. =P

This is a photo of my parents. Mum brought along a new hand bag for that day. She always surprises me with things I never knew she had it. She said it was to spoil herself once in a while only. Well... Didn't take a photo of my aunt but it was surprising how much effort she takes to doll herself up for her daughter's wedding. (Almost mistyped as birthday).

Drank quite a bit of wine that day. Not as much as my brother though but still a bit of drunkenness in me. I can still walk in straight line at least. Ha, my brother can't. Anyway, thought it was such a coincidence to find another one attending a wedding dinner to dress almost identical to me. White partial translucent stripe shirt with brown furry jeans and brown stripes shoes. Okay, maybe my fashion sense isn't that uncommon to start with.

This is joemin, my cousin. Talked much more that night because the table were sat with many people I really seldom talk to. Just feel uncomfortable talking to them. Wonder if I will ever going to break out of my comfort zone to talk to people or not. It just feels so much more easier and comfortable talking to people you know.

My uncle cried that night when my family is on the way to visit the hotel room that my cousin and her husband's going to stay over for a night. Didn't hear clearly the words he says but somehow I could figure out many things he thought about. Feelings of anger and guilt suddenly came upon him in his drunk state. It seemed as though it had been ages since he talked about what he felt to anyone and I could sense that all along he had been suppressing that. I'm not good with words and really didn't know how to console him personally. He made me think through the situations I will probably face in the future and how I am to solve them when I meet them in future. It's not easy I think, after seeing such a strong character like my uncle can be down to tears when it's back to his true feelings.

Just posted to RSS Resolution yesterday. I didn't know what to say to the rest of the ship crews but just felt a bit sad leaving them. When I came back to pack up my things, I just felt an inner reluctance to finish that. Because after that, it'll be the last chance I'll be stepping aboard Persistence. Didn't get a chance to say goodbye though, everyone was busy with work. Ha, maybe it was just an overreaction on my side, perhaps they didn't felt anything about hui chuan and me leaving. However, my piece of feeling's there. Sounds funny though as I've only been there for 2 months plus. But my mess friends and department are really good. I appreciate that.

Resolution seems okay so far. At least better than endeavour which I really pity hui chuan a lot. I guess that ship's culture is just too shockingly different for me to accept. I hope he learns to get over it soon. I think I should probably thank him for taking my place in endeavour, if not I'll probably be there. Now, it's just less than a year more. I think time will pass fast and soon I'll be away. So I shouldn't worry that much...

Quite shocked to hear that zhiren is no longer a commando. Became a clerk due to injury. Wow, this makes 10/04 a class of clerks! Ha... Just sort of dislike class outings because of the conversations. I just don't seem to get the kind of internal stuff they always discuss among themselves. Ha, I suppose that's how life changes people.

Came across a life-insurance cum saving plan under Prudential when an agent came to approach me. I usually dislike such event whereby a stranger comes to talk business with me first but after a while I realise actually maybe I should consider it. Talked to a few other people and all those people all had their own such policy. Interest is much better than bank's and it instills saving discipline, I suppose I need to have mine someday. But the question is when and which agent to get? My parents both disapprove me currently, said I could have start later. I'm currently still thinking about it. What do you think?

Yay! Reached 200 posts as of this post! Ha, nothing to be happy about anyway. Learnt from my dad to take everything easy especially when it isn't permanent and you know it's going to be over in some time. After hearing that, I tried to make myself happy when I'm not. Encourage myself when I'm discouraged. It's not easy, I'm still trying.

Can hardly find old friends to talk about things. Not that I can't, just that I felt distant from them. Somehow, my life is changing me and vice versa. I wonder how I'll be in a year's time.

Current favourite song: Vivian & Cao Ge - I Still Believe

Another post in the month of october. In the midst of OJT phase... still feeling quite miserable but I know I can pass out of this. Just lots of thoughts of trying to escape from getting onboard ship. Wonder what I'm thinking. Is this what National Service is all about or could I be too mentally weak to endure through what I'm undergoing so far? My course commander hasn't been visiting me even once, so sad, wonder if he still remembers us at this point.

Getting fatter... But no time to run and slim down. Practically tied down all day in ship doing things that benefits the ship but doesn't benefit my health at all. I prefer training life than this. At least if it's so, after NS I know I'll be fitter. Now what's this doing to my life? Probably largely irrelevant.

Driving lessons are bogged down by irregular QM duties and burned weekends for EI. Actually, I honestly feel that within weekdays if everyone just works harder and more efficiently, it's actually possible to complete the tasks in a much shorter time. Needless to say to stay an extra day back. It's just so pointless.

Just saw a beautiful quote in bleach manga from inoue's speech, something like this: If I were to live life over 5 times, I will want to try different things, jobs, etc, to live life to the fullest but I will still want to fall in love with the same person. Ha, how romantic.

Bought 2 bags over the weekend. Spent about $70 in total. It's quite a lot to buy in one go but I'm quite satisfied about my choice, hee. I'll make sure it'll last me quite a while again.

End of course already. Really enjoyed my time in WSTC. I think it's one of the wonderful time you can have in NS. The instructors are really nice and I feel quite closely knitted with my friends in OEW class. Really felt kind of sad to leave my friends. They are humorous and caring. I feel at ease telling them about my stuff. I think I will always miss the time when I see Lip Sin gets whacked for acting cute, Ser Jing for getting bullied by Salvin, Ah Gong for being such a "nice" friend who will always "sabo" me, Jason for always motivate me with the word "cougar", You Shen for always being so "off" and gabriel for always taking care of me like a brother.

Initially thought that I will be posted to LST after hearing from my classmate who overheard SI's conversation with Staff Lee. Ultimately, there seems to be a new slot for frigate and SI seems to be keen in putting me in frigate. Actually, I have no particular preference between these two ships just that I have a tendency to think that frigate is more tough because it's supposed to be an elite ship and the system is new. Thus, as a new ship crew, I will probably need to learn more things and do more things as the ship crews are probably more "garang". As to whether how different I'll turn out to be after the training, I'm not sure. Hopefully, I'll be a better ship crew, a better man.

=Sentosa Outing=
It's a half day celebration at Sentosa for Tracom anniversary celebration I think. Tracom means training command for Navy. First half of the day is to play the compulsory games as set by the organisers. I was pretty bored making straw sculptures actually to be honest. They wanted everyone to be there by 7.30 am but the event starts at 9! I suppose they expect many people to be late, that's why. Here are some of the photos taken by my camera:

Gabriel and me. Yep, one of the closer buddies I have in camp. I think he'll miss us when we post out. Master Chua told us that he felt quite emotional when he sees that we are going to post out. He just doesn't show up emotions in front.

The next photo shows my friends from ex-cabin 4-49 during the days we are called Tekong group in IMOS. That was a few months ago already. Time flies.

The next photo is with my OEW classmates. They are fun people to be with. I'm glad to have gone through JTQT with them. Although some are more noisy, some quite innocent, some quite irritating but funny, they aren't the backstabbers type; Willing to help each other. I think I'll miss the noises when they're gone.

Next photo is me and my buddy, Eugene. Ha, always remember him as a hot tempered friend. He's straight-forward to things he doesn't like. But hm, he's one I find very comfortable to talk to and about anything in the world. We have different interests but common mindset. That's why he's someone I like to talk to.

This photo is chanmama and me. Ha, he's jason chan. He has a warm and innocent personality. Always loves to pinch Lip Sin and my fats around the waist. Irritating but reminds me of my brother. Haha.

See how the cute boy is trying to get away from us? Jeffrey loves our companionship but is scared of us doing something to him. For me, I only feel like pinching his cheeks because his cute expression is so irresistibly adorable. Ha... Oh, I sound so much like a paedophile.

Ha, here is the sandcastle built by my clan. I find it not bad because I don't know how to build one. Don't know why we only got 1 out of 10 pts. Hmm.. What do you think?

Here is the straw sculpture of a bicycle made by me and my friends. The additional criteria is to make the wheels mobile. Mine is able to rotate but didn't know why only got 1 out of 10 pts. Wonder if the judge is biased against my group. However, overall, Tangs clan scored 29 pts which is not a bad score since the beach soccer game scored full 10 pts and got a prize for that.

After that, some of us went to play beach volleyball. From there, I learnt a bit of what that game is about. Fortunately, the guys are accomodating to my standard and are willing to teach me how to play better. All in all, it's a nice day on that island.

Thanks pal for keeping up with the updates in my blog. I thought due to the infrequent post, no one will continue to support this. :)

Had a hard time finding the neccesary bios file needed for GBA emulation. A new emulator gPSP was written in a new method and supposedly more efficient than the PSPVBA which was updated so often but not still isn't up to mark. Now many roms can run already. Hoping to see both programmers not to give up in their projects and work for the benefit of everybody.

Had a discussion with my parents regarding the voluntary trip for iraq mission if I ever get to post to the LST going for the mission. They strongly felt that I shouldn't go for it just because I was attracted to the regular pay plus the risk pay which can sum up to $20 thousand+. The weather condition is harsh and the situation may be quite chaotic. No one can guarantee my safety during the mission. I have to sign a paper which to be approved by both parents in order to go for it. Now, after delibrating for some time, maybe it isn't worthwhile to make that kind of sacrifice for that money which I can earn more than that in the future.

Sometimes, I can't stand talking to very rich guys. They just got some kind of ego in them that they don't realise. Worse still, when you start talking to them, they begin flaunting what kind of choices they will make to purchase something that you can compromise for a much cheaper but yet for the same usage. Well... it hurts them if I do tell them that they are being arrogant in saying things like that but I figure out that they don't realise at all. They don't understand how people poorer than them feel about the kind of things that people feel sensitive about. It's all about pride when talking about money matters. By not getting annoyed in such conversation I have to resort to changing topic which involve little mention about wealth. Bleahz... No choice, I just hope when I become rich one day, I don't become such a person nor will I want my son or daughter to be a spoilt brat.

Saw cousin Yoong Fa at the CNB cookhouse. He's a 2wo officer in navy. Oh well, I didn't know he was in navy as no one had informed me about it. I did say hello to him there and got too much attention due to that. When I came back to my food, I can hear the whole class talking about relationship and pulling strings etc. My classmates asked me lots of questions and made jokes out of that but I can tell it wasn't meant to be a hostile insult, just a casual but irritating joke. I didn't ask a lot when I talked to him because of another officer sitting beside him. I was afraid that something sensitive about my comments or questions will not be nice if the other person hears. After all, I don't know if his collegue is that close to him or not.

Thus, through out the week, I'm being "suan" by friends as a 5WO because I've got WSTC SI and cousin to watch over me in Navy and so I'm not worried that I'll get bullied. It's not true in anyway... SI may have a better impression of me but that'll not take me far because I have to score well to go to whichever platform I want and to keep a positive attitude in order not to suffer in OJT. It's all about me, myself and I. So the only thing to do is to learn to make the best out of myself.

My brother just received the invitation magazine from singapore polytechnic. A thought just flashed in my mind. It seemed only a while ago that I remembered myself looking at a similar poly magazine, trying to make up my mind over the choice of embarking on the learning route of junior college or polytechnic after secondary school. Time passes so fast and now it's my brother 3 years later having the same dilemma as me back then. I felt that I have to cherish my time. There aren't many 3 years in a lifetime. Got to make good use of it.

Just heard something that is so hurting to me. Is it me who don't know where I stand or is the person too judgmental... I find the thing that happened so lame, dumb, stupid, whatever you can think of and I just couldn't give any sense to what I agreed or was doing... Don't think I'll ever do the same again. I just need someone who appreciates me to be by my side, someone whom I can totally connect to. Is that so hard to find? If someone can be so superficially evaluated, there's no value in knowing a person at all already. Forget it, I'll just try not to think about it.

Almost all the girls I know in my batch are going to university. I'm feeling kind of left out. Don't know why I feel this way. I'm getting to feel old already. Yet, by the time I enter university, I'm already much behind in the academic pace already. Just having lots of confused thoughts right now. Don't know if I'm making much sense here or not.

Listening to Rainie's sentimental songs make me feel something out of it... I guess that's how I'm feeling right now.

It's been approximately another month away from my last blog update. I think I'm getting lazier to blog about things. I prefer to get things straight away. Somehow, I seem to realise a change in character in me. I'm getting more hot-tempered and impatient now. I don't have the patience to read long text and to create something from scratch. I don't want to teach people something that takes a lot of effort... There's also many other things I just don't care. Is that normal for me?

I'm getting addicted to PSP nowadays. I just can't live without it. Surfing pspupdates.qj.net is a frequent thing now other than finding skins for windows. It's just amazing to be able to play so many commercial games on a small media console like that. It's able to do many other things that's beyond the legal scope allowed by Sony. There's no fast and effective way that Sony can do to destroy the homebrew scene since it's growing. I guess the only way is entice the users to update the psp by some other attractive features that will be provided for free.

Will be getting half year supply of contact lenses soon. I wonder how will I feel when I wear it. I want to know if it's really tiring to wear it, difficult to maintain versus the appearance... Actually I didn't really want to get but didn't know why I agreed to Sebastian's suggestion. Ha, so be it. There's always a first time to everything.

It's the end of JRC. I miss Bravo class. I think it's really fun to be with them... I just can't believe that all these already are going to end... Most of us are not sure with the vocation yet but had to say goodbye to those people posting out for 195, NMA and Chef. Well, hmm.. I wonder what awaits me by the time I onboard ship. Since I've gone for helo fire-fighting, it's almost a confirmation that I'll be posted to LST as a gunner. I think many of them onboard will be regulars and NSF will almost be nothing but a mere labour for them. Haiz, not to mention OJT which will be the worst times ahead of me.

I heard that if I got posted to LST which is to be sent for missions, I'll probably get much extra money too. But the duration is quite long too. Well, I wonder will the experience be eye-opening or will I miss home due to the long period away.

Talked to Swee Kwan about relationship. Spurred me to think about it once more. What's the reason that I'm not really considering about being attached now? I don't really know but I guess it could be that I think I will feel detach from a love that buds from a new relationship. It's a painful feeling to not see someone for a week during this time. I'm reassured by so many to let nature take its course for now. Perhaps that's the best way for me.

Another short weekend out... Sian...

There's a group of foreign navy cadets from Hong Kong, Canada and India staying in IMOS for some foreign exchange programme I think. Because of them, IMOS has organised many activities for them and baiyi's trying to show them who's the authority as usual in colours by getting the whole contingent's 11B. Another major thing put up for them is the campfire. Bravo class which is my class is selected for the working party to help out for the entire day to carry and prepare all the stuff needed. Fortunately, the direct organisers which are the CPOC personnel aren't that bad and so I feel okay helping them. I'm the game master assistant so my job is actually to prepare items needed for the game, nothing much actually...

However, because there's one chio Hong Kong girl in my group, "Grey Rhino", many of my friends suddenly came over to "talk" to me but in fact I doubt that intention. Well, that girl is actually quite cute when she smiles and many wanted to talk to her but is either shy or lack the chance. We guessed that she's attached since we see the same Hong Kong guy around her most of the time. During the campfire dance, zhao qin managed to hold her hand and ultimately got walloped by the rest of the jealous guys. Haha... I think I feel the same too. LOL.

This time the passing rate of swimming CAT test for the rest is surprising! There's only 3 left in CAT 2, the rest passed! This means that my cabin can all wake up together at a later time for colours from now on! Yeah~ I think I'm beginning to like my cabin mates. They are really cool people, haha. Even Weixiang says so...

Hmm... stressed again. Supposed to coordinate JRC project for my group. Not forgetting the crest for the Bravo polo t-shirt. Bleah~

Since I'm writing journal every day as required, I have a habit to shorten my journal from now... However, I'm trying to learn some style in writing such as to add humour in it. I really love reading ryan's journal... It's always so amusing. LOL

=Excitements!=
I just passed my swimming category 1 test which is the final test for all navy seaman to take before getting posted to ship. I hate the feeling of unsure of when I can pass the test, hate the punishments I get from instructors, hate the disruptive nature of the programme in my early morning sleep and evening leisure time, hate the unlimited time I have to spend threading water with coverall and I hate when it takes away saturday time... Now no more, I'm free!

=Boredom~=
This week is the passing out week for the navy recruits. Hence, the BMT sergeants are not free to meddle with us anymore. It's back to the good old days where I can just relax in my cabin. Now, I'm wondering what to do with the free time... Literally, I scroll through my phone contacts thinking of people to message. It's a bit awkward to start messaging people I haven't keep in contact for ages and I start to think how much I've actually lost contact with many friends around me. Other than that, I resort to playing reversi and scrabble in camp. However, I find that scrabble is a bit too intellectual to play in my cabin. Most people choose not to squeeze their brain juice, something that is fun and brainless will do.

IPPT is coming and I still can't get a decent standing broad jump distance. Help!!

=Habits=
There's some change happening within me unknowingly until I think about it recently. Blogging has become not naturally part of my life anymore. It's been really ages since I blog. Movie watching, splurging on food, clothes seem normal to me at this point in time. I sincerely will enjoy celebrate occasions with anyone I cherish even if I have to spend more.

=Character Training=
I'm appointed as the IC for my class and it's never easy any moment being an IC as I have to appear steady and ready all the time in front of my class and officers and other sergeants whom I have to report to. Other than being class IC, I am also the cabin IC which is in charge of the area cleaning of my cabin. Generally, the tough part is to appease everyone as much as possible because sometimes some people just don't really like you to do things the way you see. But fortunately, my class and cabin mates are easier-to-cooperate lot of people which in a way a blessing in disguise.

=Camp Happenings=
It's never more happening for minor outbreaks of illness in my unit. Firstly, the chicken pox outbreak cause much inconvenience for the whole school. After which the chicken pox trend was over, now comes the sore eye outbreak. Troublesome... Wonder what comes next.

CAT I Swimming proficiency. It just seems so hard for me to achieve. So far, I've only managed to remove my coverall after swimming and threading in water for 5 mins. It's not easy at all as the coverall soaked with water feels pretty much like a 5 kg weight on your body. Every seconds in water drains your physical energy... I just want to end my swimming remedial training so as to end the suffering I receive from instructors. It's also a mental torture to swim every day morning and evening. I get sick when I look at swimming pool, yucks.

Life run. I had the first official run organised since I was posted to the school in April. Most other time which it was supposed to be on happened to crash with other activities or CAT I lightning conditions. Anyway, it's not as tough as I thought it will be. After all, most other permanent staff runs much slower for the run and there is no pressure to run fast at all. Just 4 rounds around the school and the distance covered will be 3.2km. Through this, I found out that the navy PT rig is NOT at all good for running or exercise. I feel so hot wearing that. The singlet will be a much better alternative but too bad we are not issued with it.

I had ship visit to Navy's MCMV (RSS Punggol), MCV (RSS Vigour) on one of the days. The vessels are generally quite small and definitely not comparable to even a LST. I was quite horrified when I saw that there can even be people sleeping in the ammo room. It's such a poorly ventilated place and looks pretty much like a slum. Other sleeping quarters in MCV looks similarly bad too. MCMV is comparably more luxurious and I hope if I get posted out, it'll either be LST or MCMV. The furniture in MCMV is IKEA wooden furniture and is generally much cooler than MCV. Mess does look more proper and comfortable.

I had my first academic test in this year in Navy. I can't believe serving the nation involves much academic intelligence. The seamanship exam is set by the exam syndicate and it's so confidential that only on the actual day will the conducting warrant officer and us will get to know the questions on the spot. Although it's supposed to be very easy, I just didn't have the mood to study. Hope I won't fail the test.

I'm not sure if now somehow I can see my influence on others. I can literally see my buddies opening up due to interaction with me. It's a wonderful feeling to know that you actually make a difference or impact to some people's lives. It's not only a one way thing. My friends sometimes do things that touch my heart too, just that as guys we don't usually tell each other. Ha.

=TJ=
Haven't got a chance to go back yet. Heard from yanyi the new exco is chosen. Can't wait to see them. I'm sure they'll be a capable lot. Memories of it still flies through my mind very often. It's nice to think back, the nostalgia seems like a well-brewed coffee that is so rich in flavour, so much so that you wish to savour that taste again.

~Well~ That's about all for now.

=Navy Life=
Ok, now I'm really in navy man. I'm not really sure this was what I wanted but since I'm posted to navy, I've got to learn to adjust to it.

My current group of friends are frank, direct especially those in my class. They will voice out whatever things they are unhappy about in a rather uncouth and rude manner. Thus, my platoon is often in trouble and there is little the rest in the platoon can do to salvage the situation they ruined with the words. Well, I'm still figuring out how I can go along with them and yet still be the Kai Cheng I was. Their life experience is rich and in depth through many difficulties in life and hence they will go to illegal extent to do things which I find it disturbing personally. However, I cannot comment on anything about that, it's their life anyway and I've never been through it.

Most of the time in camp is quite slack. Awaiting for the pre-JRC period is like that, I heard from the privates in the earlier batch. I can't see the reason why we're put in camp till Saturday when there is basically nothing to do except to pass swimming CAT test and I heard that the privates from the earlier batches showed unsatisfactory performance in their JRC and so the permanent staff decides it this way to maintain higher standards of discipline. I wonder how true is that.

My allowance isn't a lot. But ever since I gotten allowance from NS, my mum stopped giving any form of money to me. She became almost stingy to the extent that meal money also refused to pay for me... I've got nothing much to say for the reason she gave. Well, since I aren't attached now, I may as well pamper myself a little given the chance. I need to grow up emotionally. I still feel I ain't having the treatment of a 19 year old man.

Since most of the time in camp, I'm not maximising the use of time, I'm deliberating whether to buy entertainment console to play in camp. Otherwise, I'll be bored to death watching my cabin mates play their gameboys... Afterall, reading novel is just one alternative and I need several more so I won't feel bored in camp.

=BMT Life=
I start out like many others as recruits on the Tekong island. The moment I step into SFT, I see many SAF banners, one of which has a line "It's not what you left behind but the things you gain ahead". It marks a start of the millitary life soon. Parents were ushered to see the good and comfortable parts of SAF while recruits were led to collect personal items.

Afterwhich, came the recitation of the SAF pledge. It would be a memorable moment for many fathers witnessing their sons taking pledge. It's not the same for my dad though, haha. There weren't anyone I know of in my section and I thought it'll be quite hard to be very close to them. Most of them are from RJ and they already know each other. I had to adapt to sleep early during the first 2 weeks as I usually sleep very late. Commanders need to yell at us most of the time to get lights off timing work.

But all these didn't bother me after a while. I really learnt to make myself know how to enjoy when times are tough. I just need to have the right attitude. There are several things that are new to me such as water parade, rush-to-wait, wait-to-rush, rank system, chin up regime, platoon system, buddies system etc... But what's nice about the commanders is that they will try as much as possible to explain the rationale behind the orders given to us. At least I will do things with understanding.

I married my rifle with butt C025 since the first day in camp. No matter where we go unless instructed otherwise, the rifle has to be with me all the time. The only issue I dislike is when the stricter sergeant is on duty in the armskote. Signature must be reproduced exactly from the norminal role each time a rifle is signed out or in. Not even a dot can be missing otherwise, ...

We were taught how to fire accurately in the IMT which feels like playing a computer game. It really feels very different firing a virtual target with fake rifle and firing a real target with real rifle in terms of recoil, sound and light conditions. Of course it feels so damn "shiok" when the target is hit. But too bad my friend dropped my rifle during range causing my zeroing to be off and I got to do manual adjustment myself. Actual range activity ended very late and the moment we reached back company line, it's really bunk sweet bunk.. =)

Field camp is the longest camp for me so far. I should thank god I'm not placed in Ninja company or some other xiong companies in school 2. Most of my memories of it are rather good. The place is also very ideal for my platoon mates to get to know each other closer. Cooperation is needed between buddies especially when it comes to build a basha tent. Since we need each others' equipment to build a basha tent, buddies have to be cooperative. My buddy is a bit "special" and I tend to have heated argument with him. Lol, but in the end, it's still not that bad at all. Mosquitoes and other wild animals are all around the forest. I'm the unlucky one who got multiple bites on and have lots of swelling around my face and hands region. There are about 80+ bites on me for each site we moved to throughout field camp.

Other than that, I learnt how to adapt to finding things in the dark relying less on torchlight. I appreciate the experiences my section commander share with my section. Those are things that I would never be able to learn about it personally in the civilian world. The latrine is also one place you may not like to go due to the overwhelming shit smell concentrated together. I would rather dig a hole for myself. Haha.. I heard of many stories during field camp but I find nothing so ghostly yet. Maybe it's better not to be able to see that sort of stuff.

Getting a proper camo and not dozing off are challenges to me. As the weather is so hot, I sweat a lot more. The more I sweat, the less likely I'll be able to apply good camo. The IFC lectures are usually quite boring and manage to send many eyelids down. The practice makes us dirty but is fun to carry out in actions especially when we are allowed to shoot blanks without giving any concern that we will run out of ammunition. There's more than enough, in fact plentiful.

Bookout days and meal times are things I always look forward to. It's just the pleasant sight of things when other activities just shag you out. There were times when I'm just too tired to be of my normal physical standard. It's stressful to see many of your platoon mates who are so good in their fitness getting great improvement.

Last but not least, I am happy to join the drill team and be able to perform for games day and POP graduation. I set my mind to do it and I was able to prove myself right and this is one of the few things I decided and has not gotten any regrets even though my admin times are all burnt to train for the drills.

Route marches are tough but fortunately it's progressive. Every march strengthens my physical and mental endurance and at last I manage to complete the 24km route march. Singing songs along the way really help to forget some of the sufferings along the way. The final route march is memorable. Everyone took turns to lead songs and the satisfaction can be seen through the smiles on everyone's faces. Cougar company 01/06 is coming to an end and everybody's feeling nostalgic about the times together but still, it's time to move on. I hope for my friends who wish to lead, to go to command school. Cougar rocks!

=2005 Recall=
2005 has sure been a busy year for me in general. Many things I've gone through and I think I really matured a lot in that year.

In the early months of 2005, I was still in the midst of adjusting my identity in school. I had thought I still was a year 1. When the principal addressed the year 1s, I actually almost listened to it as though it's instructions for my batch. Haha. Mm.. As for the teachers, all remained the same except for GP, Mr Veera left our class and Mdm Lim joined our class. Well, Mdm Lim has an interesting appearance that is quite "unique". Her features and the dangling hair which swayed from sides to sides always reminds me of a ghost. To my surprise, I'm not the only one who thinks that way - my friends and classmates too! Lol, hope she's not reading this... =P

It's also the year I'm a senior in my pdp after the year before as a junior. The task of getting people to join robotics thus landed mostly in my hands. Oh, and it's not an easy task at all... After all, for such a pdp, naturally interested participants will join and non-interested participants will soon leave no matter how much you try to make them to be intrigued in robotics matter. Maybe Gerard is the only exception I've seen so far, I think. Come to think of it, I still miss guitar club pretty much but there can only be one me, so I have to devote my time properly.

The class had become a closer bunch than it was in 2004 and I thought of it as a good progress. There was a bbq in 2004 and it's pretty fun though. The whole class seldom get together but when we do, it's fun! The last bbq's tone was weird though. I couldn't feel the same warmth there, more of a kind of sadness. I don't know if I was over sensitive but I thought of a few classmates who expressed their mood so. Estella promised a Sentosa outing this year, hope it'll materialise. Hee.

In April, there comes to the time when I'm attached with hoi ching for a short time. Mm, I didn't know that so many people are that interested in my affairs and many had tried to dig things out and talk about it and made me rather embarrassed about it - like searching through my friendster and filtering every word I say etc... Haha. I mean it's not anything shameful but it's still my first official relationship per se so I've started with zero experience. I treat relationships as serious matters and don't think of it as a game. But perhaps I'm know too little about love affairs, things don't really work out for me. Ultimately, everything ended a month later.

In June, I was rather distracted by several things. Partly is after the broke up that lasted for quite long but mainly was due to my mother's operation. I didn't know how things will turn out for that moment. It's not a small operation also so many instructions were given to me as I am the oldest child in the family. Daily tasks had to be performed by my brother and I which is quite tough as we have to take up house chores all the sudden. Perhaps, it really indicated how lucky I was to have people to do that for me. It's not entitlement but a priviledge... The adjustment period somehow affected my june common test as I really don't have mood for it. I plunged into video games as they are the channels to escape out of reality I suppose.

After that, the teachers are kind of shocked about my results of course. It's a large contrast between that and the year 1 promotional results. Seeing those of all my classmates' which are improving steadily, I'm getting progressively worried as well. It was also the period I had to let go of things: service learning and the club. I felt that I hadn't really done the transition part well and I seemed to have added a lot of stress and unhappiness in the club. I didn't know mao xin stayed back and helped a great deal until very much later. It wasn't all sad things, service learning ended quite happily I think. I'm not sure if the kids missed us or not, but it seemed at least they gave us a nice ending to that programme. It's really not sufficient for a mentoring programme and I hope the next batch can do better than the pioneer batch.

NAPFA was the thing that bugged me throughout. I'm an unfit guy since I was young. I wasn't interested in exercising and thus it became a habit for me to not keep myself fit. Only until quite late did I realise the importance of it. At that point, my appearance can't change anymore, perhaps only metabolism rate. Haha. I still remembered the time I was called for in the TAF programme in primary school. In secondary school, I belonged to the health and fitness conditioning group which is simply one that contains those who hadn't pass NAPFA test. Even in JC, I was in the "S-paper" group since I didn't pass year 1 NAPFA test. All these certainly made me seem really lazy right? But I thought of exercising in an eager attitude now to keep up for the times that was lost. Lol. However, I still didn't know how yunhui and weina got the impression that I was a sportsman from. Haha. Fortunately, in the end, I still achieved a silver standard in NAPFA. 1st time ever in my life, lol, yeah!

Jian Yuan, Esmond are the friends in class I told a lot of things to. I guess i'm too comfortable in a small close group than to enlarge my comfort zone to too many people. Mao xin is one who doesn't really poke into my matter unless I want to let him know but on and off I wasn't too consistent as a friend to him. Perhaps initially I wasn't too comfortable with his extraordinary jokes and laughter... Well, turned out okay when I sorted out my thinking. Joel and weiquan are also another group of friends I talk to at times. It's not very frequent but it's fun just to have conversations that other friends aren't interested. Joel is a concerned friend but I just don't give a lot of things to let him dig.. Lol. My "family" is the last group that I always hang out. However the sad thing is that we're not really that close. Just probably lots to chat about because of the cheerful fiona. Hmm, going to miss the noisy voices, haha.

Next, the prelim exams had took a great toll on me. A level is the kind of studies you need to be constantly prepared to do well. Since I wasn't consistent enough, it's extremely stressful for me to cram information. Doesn't seem to digest well though. I thought A level will be better since I learnt my lessons from prelims. Well, it turned out to be partially true. There are other problems I hadn't discover till then. Now, everything's over. But I'm still worried every now and then about the results. I read the forums about whether is there any permit for NS disruptions to retake A level as a private candidate just to improve the grades and I don't think it's allowed unless A level was incompleted.

Christmas Outing was the second last outing I had. Thanks a lot chingz for making that a memorable one. Ha, I hope the presents aren't too cheapskate for you. =P But it's seldom chance where I can pour out what I want to say. Hope you can make your 2006 a good one. Mm, remember what you have promised yourself on the wrong experiences and not to do the same again and things probably won't go wrong, heez.

=2006 Events=
It's a new start to a new year. I don't really set resolutions and things like that. However, I do believe that it'll be an exciting year for me. It's probably going to be strenous in NS but with the proper mindset I can make it through. MIW website has provided me with comprehensive information through the forum.

I also hope the world will be peaceful without major disasters or outbreaks. Mm, yeah, that'll be splendid enough for this year. Haha...