Had a fun day yesterday night. But spent quite a torrential amount of money on the fun though. Met up with Ah Gong and the rest to play pool. The initial plan was to watch a movie but I was quite late so they ended up playing pool. My bad. Suddenly, a few minutes after I came, Wei Le, Joshua, Swee Kuan and Kelvin came to play also. So coincident...

Left around 4.40pm with Hansui to buy presents for the 2 upcoming birthday boy and girl. I thought it was nice of her to accompany to buy the presents. How sad if I were the only one choosing presents. My knee worked up yesterday too. So it was quite painful throughout. But seems like only she gives a damn about it. Ha.

I didn't realise we spent so much time choosing the presents. I was supposed to meet Jian Yuan earlier at 6 but ended up about 20 minutes late. But fortunately, Hansui and me have the same views about the presents so we didn't argue much about the choice of it. However, Ping Aik's present is a bit troublesome in a sense that we were told not to have the chocolates outdoor more than 5 hours, otherwise it'll deteriorate. In the end, it was still left outdoor much longer than that.

After meeting Jian Yuan up, we waited for the rest. I was wondering if I should tell Ping Aik that she'll be the only girl in the group for the moment or should I just let her discover for herself later on... I thought if I told her, she might decide not to come afterall, so I just let her see for herself. Lol. Luckily, Esmond did ask Zhiren and Jeesiang to come. If not, I think I'll really strangle him. The group will be too small with just 5 people.

The games at the MindCafe were fun. Food seems to be so-so standard. Brownie's not bad. I saw some people playing the normal games seen in Singapore. I thought that since we have a chance to play imported board games, might as well learn new ones. The ones we played are those of strategy, quick-wits and reaction types of games. Had so much fun playing and screaming that our voices turned hoarse and we grew weary after the sessions. Think I'll bring my friends back there next time.

The singing of birthday song wasn't at MindCafe but at a McDonald Outlet near by. We had almost everything for the celebration except a lighter. It's nice of the uncle tending a store near by to lend his lighter for that. Grateful~ It's a round tiramisu cake by the way. Here's the picture of the birthday boy and girl... Ha.

Hansui changed quite a great deal. She was very quiet and easily aggravated in the past, not now anymore. Ha. She was so ultra "high" during the kbox session. She kept on motivate the rest of us to follow her jump on the sofa and scream into the microphone. Was kind of shocked. I think the next room can hear us when I saw them peering into our room. Lol. We sang all the way and I dare to say it's the most "high" singing session I've ever participated.

Ping Aik seems to be appreciative of our efforts of the celebration. I was kind of touched when she said that. Haha.. Looks like the next time I see them all will be at a much later time...

:( I can't login to Windows Live Messenger using my sirhc.net account. Don't know what's the reason behind it. My hotmail account can be used to login though. Check the validity of my live ID on the web. It's still valid, just no idea why I can't sign in. *Frustrated*

Jian yuan's birthday is coming. Wonder where can we celebrate his birthday. Actually, I'd in mind a place. However, I don't know where is it. I shall find out...

It's snowing now in India, how rare. In many other Asia countries, the people are dying of heat. China's having approximately 40 degrees Celsius as I heard on the news. Farmers died of heatstroke is today's news. Hmm, don't you think the trend of hotter temperature is getting worrisome?

The feeling is brewing strong. I can't stand my life anymore. I need a change desperately.

This is a picture of me smiling. Retouched it for a more soft and mellow feeling out of the photo. >.< Okay, I'm bored, that's why I did this.

Mm, my status in camp is now excused shipboard duties and excused sailing for a month. I'm supposed to be happy because it's more relaxed for me at least. It's Aops's expression that make me feel perturbed. I didn't cause the injury on purpose neither am I amplifying the injury for my own sake. What the MO and doctor see is the true situation of how my knee is! Hai... I'm supposed to be posted to shore unit but he refuses to let me go. He just wants me to stay behind to do things for the ship in any way possible. I foresee more of such problems will be coming. More people will start to say things behind my back. Today, I waited for quite a while so that I could have a late lunch to avoid seeing the people whom I thought will say things about me. Maybe it's just my imagination but maybe not. I told myself it's not my fault and I shouldn't continue to reproach myself for that. I want to pick that self-confident me back. I'm trying...

Last Saturday, I did a foolish thing which I find it amusing at the same time too. My brother's girlfriend was in his room and as usual his door was closed. I was rushing for time and I was desperately finding the shaver. I knocked the door and within 2 seconds of no-response feedback, I opened the door immediately. "Waaoooh~~!" was what I heard from his girlfriend. Eh, should I say fortunately, I wasn't wearing my spectacles or contact lenses that's why I can't see clearly what hanky panky stuff they did. Lol... Hmm, I think I need to think twice when I enter his room now. I don't want to be called "rude" this way. Ha.

Met up with Desmond earlier on. Well, he seems to have changed in his thoughts and way of life. He no longer seems to place emphasis on his looks and appearance but more on how he can earn big money at this phase of life which he deems NS to be too small a portion to play in it currently. He told me most of his NS friends are earning much money outside due to their intuitive ideas of business in many varieties. Of course, they have such chances due to their PES status which he has no idea how they manage to end up in that since they look so healthy yet end up being clerks handling admin matters. Well... maybe if I was surrounded with people like that, I may be inspired to do so... However, it seems unrealistic at the pace he was thinking...

Sky just has a funny way of blogging his feelings. Mm...

I just read an article about men's grooming and flirting tips. It's not as "hip" as the title of the article may sound. What the article in essence is saying about flirting is that men like women also need to socialise with other people to enlarge social circle. The women ultimately may not be the "one" but she can be another valuable friend. The true "one" could be her friend, there's never a sure thing. The grooming part is about men's image in today's world. Some of the tips that were written really gave me an eye-opener how detailed men's grooming can be. Wow, looks like, there's still much to learn regarding that. Lol.

Heard something ridiculous today. The medic told me that the medical endorsement needs to be booked in advance and gave me a date at June. Seriously, what's the point of endorsing so late a time when I've already long had my mc. He also said I'm not excused from QM duties when I can't even walk properly lest doing duty... Went to medical centre to talk to them and the SSG began to open up the directives to check for me. (Thought it was weird. Isn't the assessment of my situation case-by-case matter here more relevant?) Anyway, I'm not supposed to do anything strenous... There's no saying that I'm supposed to continue with QM duties... So, yep. Back to case-by-case situation... All in all, I just find the system weird. Sometimes, I just can't help watching the "Just follow law" again and again.

Just a few days didn't go back and I seem to be quite lost already. There's something about ship T-shirt, the fact that Adriel passed out already, newly mentioned rule that QM need not muster?, ship's outing at Jurong Swimming Pool, Shawn's assessment done.... Quite shocking.

Hehe, now there seems to be 2 unknown readers from what I know. I wonder which other unknown readers there are here.

It's Mothers' Day today. Happy Mothers' Day to all! Here I am at home not able to go out to celebrate with my mum due to an injury on my left knee sinew... It's really really painful when I try to move about. Went Tan Tock Seng Hospital yesterday to get painkiller medication and mc for me to rest at home. Not only I can't bring my mum out for celebration, she has to help me for many of the things. Yuck...

Saw the news of the tragic accident that happened to the 2 Singapore servicemen in Taiwan. They died pathetically during their training in Taiwan. It still goes to show how much one can lose during their contributions for the nation, how fragile a life can be. There's still so much left for them to do. They're gone, leaving their friends and relatives behind grieving for them. My heartfelt sympathy goes to them.

Here's a picture of a colourful eye done in photoshop with brush and effects entirely using my mouse. The lines are very much unstable due to the shakiness and the difficulty of control on a mouse. Maybe I'll get a tablet in the future.

I wanted to bring out some sort of emotions in the eye but seems like just a "dead" eye upon completion...

She's getting her life back on track and she seems happy about her life now. I'm glad of it and hope she stays that way...

Finally finished watching Hana Kimi on YouTube. It's a cute Taiwan idol show. Ha, wished that my love life would be a little more exciting, sweet than I will have. But it's not something that comes true by just yearning for it. Too shy to pursue for it... Wanted to have someone to look forward to seeing after work, somebody to work hard for, someone to share my happiness and someone whom I can cry to... I am weak inside no matter how I want to hide it. I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I'm getting weaker in controlling my emotions.

I tend to see the faults in other people which have made me very unhappy about many issues. There aren't many people whom I can really look up to. Is my perception of other people overly negative or it's just natural like that? I don't know. I want to believe that there's goodness in everyone, just that sometimes it's hard. Maybe that's why I love playing RPG games. Everyone in the game seems so perfect, heroic and righteous...

Thank you Padma, Choon Pei, Jian Yuan, Hui Chuan for cheering me on. Feeling empty~

Here's a photo I took during Minhan's wedding. My hands shook a bit so the picture isn't clear at all.. Ha. I like the Victorian style of wedding costume. It looks dashing on him and glamorous on his wife. Ha, looking at that makes me think about how I want my wedding to be. Still too early to say. =P

Took mum out to dinner today. I had no idea where to bring her for a treat because I don't know where I can satisfy her with the little money I have. In the end, we ate dinner at ThaiExpress City Hall in the Citylink Mall. I always wanted to try that but hasn't got a chance to. The place isn't as big as I thought when I peered in from outside. On a careful observation, the impression is created due to the smart use of mirror and arrangement of furniture in the shop.

I really like the food I ordered. I can't remember the name but here's the photo. I forgot to take a photo before I start eating and this one was taken halfway through. The initial arrangement was neat and very appealing in its appearance. I chose this because this isn't spicy hot which really suits my taste. My mum chose the wrong dish which was the Tom Yam Crayfish noodle which to both of us is very very spicy hot! I, myself, is unable to finish even a quarter of that. I'm quite awed by my mum that she can finish 3/4 of her dish. Here's a picture of that taken halfway through. The crayfish however is nice! Succulent and tasty. The flesh is quite small compared to the size of its shell though. Ha. For me, I drank quite a lot of the watermelon with lime freeze to chill my tongue down. Both our drinks cost quite a bomb. Should have just satisfy myself with sharing a drink, since their service includes pouring free flow plain water which I guess should be enough to cool my tongue down. =X

Smile through your day, life will be hard without that.

Life's getting harder for me. Sailing for firing's planned one after another... Madness. For each, post firing check's really killing me. Having fumigation at this point of time's really having a toll on me. It may just be a routine or programme planned on the calendar for the officers but the painstaking process, who'll know except for the gunners. Fellow gunners going on long leave soon... I'm going to feel a heavier burden pressed upon me in time to come. At times, I really feel like throwing every thing away and just go away... far away... I'm back home every day with aches in my back or arms and legs. Don't know how long the torture is going to persist.

What's the idea of instant messaging (MSN, yahoo messenger) to you? Do you have even half of the number of people you add in your list talking to you? How long have you seen some of those in your list? Sadly, there are truly many forgotten acquaintances. Hmm, life's weird. Just nothing can stay the same, even for friends. Those who stay, well... that's great then.

Sometimes, happiness can be so vague. Most of the time, it doesn't occur. I have to pursue. It may not be the same for everyone but I find that the happiness that came from pursuit is the most precious feeling I can derive out of the mundane things in life. I need more courage and persistence to motivate me to my goal and I hope I can find that in me soon.

Happy birthday, brother! Hope you'll enjoy your time every day with her but not forgetting to study well too!

I'm posting some pictures of the ones I drew in the past. I still like them no matter how amateurish they were. They are still my masterpieces. =) I recalled something that happened a few months back. My brother lost the cover page of my art folio during his secondary school days which I still treasure it till now. I still have a scan of it but a low resolution one.... >:( (He also lost my OBS T-shirt and feel not even a bit of guilty about his actions..) Anyway, all's done in pencils. The art folio's cover supposed to be designed in black ink straight away but I disobeyed my teacher's instructions anyway and handed in a pencil version 2 weeks past the dateline. Haha.

I did 3 ayumi drawings but I could only find 2 currently. Here they are. The one with the cap is the "Seasons" album if I'm not wrong. The other one is from the "(Miss)understood" album. Personally, the latter one doesn't resemble ayumi much but eh, it's difficult to draw after losing touch with drawing reference pictures for so long. But I hope over all it doesn't look too bad?

Here are the pictures of Final Fantasy series. The first one is the group of characters from Final Fantasy 9. The characters aren't my favourite bunch but the story sure touches my heart and packs in a real punch for a RPG game. The second one is a character "Squall Leonhart" from Final Fantasy 8. I hope I did capture his emo expression on the paper. The original picture was the one with a flaming sword across his face. I imagined quite a great bunch from his eyes downwards with my imagination. Haha.

This coloured poster was done both with drawing and photoshop. The pencil drawings were drawn by me and scanned in for the final photoshop poster. I was glad that it won me a merit prize for the RSN Safety Poster Competition. Or perhaps others just can't be bothered? =P My friend commented that the old lady looks too fierce. Do you think so?

I'm feeling bored. Life is repetitious now. Anyway, I find "My Valentine" by Martina Mcbride a very romantic song. Suitable as a wedding song too.

Hm, so far got 2 girls on friendster recently asked if I have six abs packs. Well, as much as I want to have. I'm quite lazy to train for those. Haha... I'm so tired after work... would really need much perseverance if I were to train. Maybe I'll consider it if I do have a target or an aim. Now, there isn't. Ok, that's an excuse. I could have done it for myself nevertheless right?

It's hard training someone. Lots of responsibilities are expected. Especially when I'm so used to people taking care of me. It's time I start to change... After all, NS isn't about training me to be so weak in the mind. I think I just have to adapt and watch out for myself for whatever that will happen in the future.

Watch the last episode of the 7pm show. It has an ultra nice ending. I'm moved by the love in the show. Can I love and and show understanding to someone to that extent and can I find someone who can love me back deeply too? I think only my heart has the answer.

I just found out that Marine Parade's Kbox really sucks. The room is so pathetically small with stagnant smoke smell lingering in the room. They are really limited with the drinks. Only Coke, Sprite and er... I've forgotten the last one. That's all! Can you believe it? And yes, there's no KBuffet too. Choon Pei seems to change quite a bit for her appearance. Wow, maybe that's due to her friends' influence? Had a sinful indulgence in Andersen's ice cream that day. With all the thick aromatic chocolate and whipped cream on it, I just can't resist it. My brother can't believe singing Kbox and chatting can take one whole day away. Haha. Anyway, I just never seem to run out of topic to talk to Jian Yuan. Don't know why, we just seem to clique well.

I just love drawing. Did so many drawings during my QM watch duty. I can't stand the boredom anymore if I'm not supposed to do ANYTHING! Listening to songs also has certain limits to its effectiveness. I also feel guilty waking my friends up to chat during wee hours. So... I drew images of different people of different expressions and personalities. Now, the whole scrapbook meant for recording miscellaneous staff now become my drawing book. Haha. Shall post one of my drawings some day here. =P

Went for Food Expo on Sunday at Suntec. It's crowded as usual but seems better than last year's. Don't have any picture this time because I was lazy to change my phone before going out. =P Ate lots of things out there. Tried various free samples but mainly drinks. Bought 2 packets of resealable seaweed snack, 1 Japanese pizza, 1 herbal tea, 1 Thai popiah, 4 durian puffs... Hehe, quite a lot right?

The Korean spirit that my mum and I tried leaves a lasting experience for me. It's just a small sip I can feel the strong alcohol burning sensation. Haha, but it felt good! My mum showed a soured expression which made the guy who offered my mum the spirit grin. Haha.

In the evening, my mum, 2nd uncle's family and I went to eat at a coffee shop at lavender. It's somehow quite popular with Singaporeans. I think the shop's name is "ming zhong ..." something... Saw many photos of celebrities dining there. Only enjoyed the famous wet noodles and the fried oyster with eggs. I eat the parts without the oysters though.

It's been a while since we had a proper chat. I guess he still hasn't forgiven me. Should I do something about it? I don't think I can stand the situation to last for many months to come.

Did duty for Persistence yesterday. Mm, nostalgic feeling it was. I was staring into space recalling and reminiscing the times I understudy the QMs. Mm, that was so many months back already. Thought of calling her on the phone but hesitated for quite some time. Is it time to let go of that thought? I've been too used to someone just there for me. This should not be, for I'm not her anyone any more.

Anyway, the dreadful thing that happened in the morning was that something got stolen from mess 10 again. Investigation was called and we were searched before leaving ended up leaving Persistence so late and got gun1 to wait for me that long... So sorry about that.

Listened to Wilson's advice this morning regarding the course to choose for university. He does have a point and it's been ages since anyone advises me something so truthfully and sincerely about my future. I must try to sort and confirm my course out during this period.

I don't know if GY's still angry with me. According to others, his mood was much better, but it could be to others and not me. Didn't want to blog this out but it just kept linger in my mind. Just couldn't sleep well. The chocolate's gone anyway... Ha.

Sailing tonight... Lots of things to do later on. Wondering if I should go for Sea Thunder. I'll be expecting many problems in my department according to what I've heard. I don't know if I'll be back in Resolution after that. I don't want to be a posted crew in Endeavour for sure...

Friday night, I went out to phuture to celebrate for Lisie and EJ's birthdays. Thought of something quite embarrassing when I thought that phuture was future until I saw the sign outside. Hee, sounds lame right.. Met up with Keith and Wong first at great world city. Forgotten that there's a bus 147 that goes there, ended up taking taxi to there. Supposed to meet them at 8.30 pm, reached there an hour later. =P Ate something there and bought a mint chocolate cake there. Wong said it will be weird to have present yet no cake, so keith and him bought one... Waited for GY and Staff Ong and CB later on before proceeding in. Unfortunately the cake can't be brought in, so have to deposit that in the food corner.

CAIS sms me and claim that I ps him again because I didn't inform him. I thought since it's his L's birthday, he'll probably know about it. But anyway, I told him we're at zouk. Phuture's music is trance that day and I didn't quite like it... Lots of smoke also... It just gets my eyes pretty irritated. Zouk's having R&B, hip-hop hence we switched. I like the design of the place. The passage joining the 3 has the design of ice-cave on slope... Most of the place we want to put our butts on were already reserved. Staff Ong daringly put the tag away and everyone just sat there pretending the tag was never there. The crews obviously know about it and we were allowed there only as long as the customers who reserved the table aren't here.

At the centre of the stage were some Caucasians making fun of themselves by manoeuvring stupid crude dance that made many laughed their heads off. The main characters aren't here yet so there we are entertaining ourselves. I guess being the oldest in the group got to take the lead to entertain... As usual, Staff Ong keep thinking of games to play to warm up the group. The crowd there is rather different than other places I've gone to. The guys and girls are more well-dressed and looked more attractive. Our table was eventually taken by a group of girls in hip-hop fashion.

The rest of the people came in about 11 plus. Keng Xiang was quite upset by his appearance there, affecting his mood to go as high as usual. Ha, he attributed it to his book-out timing and the wedding dinner. Some people like Su, EJ and Lisie were already a bit drunk when they came over. After drinking for a while, Lisie begins to cry, Ivan was the first to notice and console her... Think it was because she thought of something sad... Hmm, it's quite unexpected and difficult to handle because she continued crying for an extended period of time. Staff Ong had challenges trying to do stupid things to humour her. Ivan did pretty well encouraging her to smile and dance though.

Later on, we decide to start on the cake seeing that Lisie's at her limit already. At the small food corner, we made such a scene there that I wonder we must have been quite a nuisance, I suppose. The girls that sat next to us were listening to our rowdy conversations about calming Lisie down when she broke out crying upon seeing the cake. She said that she was overjoyed at that moment. Here's the birthday boy and girl holding the cake knife. Cake looks nice right?

We danced pretty late in the night or early into Saturday's morning. Many of us were quite tired already but Keith and Wong were still so high. Thus, we left first. Lisie broke out crying again when she sees the present. Lol... She's so full of tears... Ha. She's got duty the next day and I wonder if she'll be able to do the next day.

Saturday's Cedric's birthday celebration. Was hesitating whether to go for it because I was so beat out yesterday already. Before that, I had a change of clothes and went to the Singapore Casket to visit Ruth. Her father just passed away. I thought I should give her a visit since the blow dealt to her would be rather heavy. Mm, her father died of cancer. Life's so vulnerable, still remembered saying hi to her father just 2 years ago.

Met up with Karin, Joemin and my brother for Kbox singing session. I was quite late. Reached there more than half an hour late. Joemin's wasting $18++ money by sitting there and not singing... Lol, nobody could force her golden mouth to sing... Somehow, everyone seems quite tired singing... Some were sleeping when others were singing.. I didn't sleep even though I slept only about 4 hours.

In the end, I chose to go for his birthday celebration. It's at M-hotel. Never heard before and has no idea what sort of place is that. It's another $0.20 worth of travelling on the taxi... Paid $3++ for my butt to sit in and figure where the place is. Many of the 209 people were there already. They were surprised to see me though. I think it's his chief's idea to get that place. Nice ambience and good scenery. Not noisy except for us... I was lucky that I wasn't their targets there so I didn't drink much. Cedric was quite drunk when his chief poured the chivas straight down from the mouth.. Oh man, that was hell lot of alcohol! Mm, everyone looked quite different when they go "chiong". Ray brought a japanese girl there whom I thought was his new girlfriend. Ha, I learnt that he has many girl friends to go out with... doesn't has to be his girlfriend. Lol. That's garfield in the picture. Don't know why is my face so yellow compared to his... Haha..

Here's another picture of Cedric drinking the special order: Lamborgini. Nobody can help him take that special order which was for him... Poor soul, taking such strong brew in his drunk state... Took another picture of him with his birthday cake. His AO was beside him and both the AO and his chief was arguing about very stupid things in their drunk state. Ha, his chief's attitude resembles Staff Ong a lot. Keith and the rest of 209 people went for the second session at double O. Wei qiang and me left earlier.

I've checked out that company profile my friend introduced to me earlier on already. It's not exactly a scam because somehow it's still about business. It's how people see it. However, I still don't like. I'm quite sure the products aren't what it's up to and I've figured out many things that happened within the company that deeply shook my confidence upon more research on my part. I felt that even though I could have earned money from the company, I still can't bear with my moral issues. I'm fortunate that I was able to see the truth clearly compared to the people who joined and quit later realising the truth at a later stage...

Couldn't find the gift that I thought of buying for the past few days. Find that one cute yet practical... Ideal to give such gift right? Mm, probably will find the gift by today...

I've been wondering for the job opportunities in front of me. It's viable to do it. But I don't want to close my options to just that even though it may seem rosy to me at the moment. I don't have the security if I just venture into it instead of focusing on my university education later on.

Mum's changed. She become more irritable since her operation. Anything you say could just spark off another argument. I gave up discussing things she knew little about. Such as my job opportunities, or whether I'll missed the dinner she cooked for me, or just anything I've forgotten to do...

University registration for A level students will come soon. I have to figure out how to change my application... I wonder will it be successful? Application will give priority to this graduate batch I suppose.

Another favourite song "Tank - 专属天使". It's touchy~ I didn't really watch "花样少年少女" but just like the song in it.

Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops is fun. Its functionality seems nothing different from the one on PS2 platform. It's engaging and even has the multi-player capability with other PSPs. Graphics is good and doesn't lag so far. No wonder it has received such good rating from Gamespot. However, I'm just not the type of person for that type of game. Die quite easily. My brother's hooked on it though. Will try out Gurumin soon!

My brother's friend says I have nasal tone in the way I sing. Haven't realise that yet. Thought mine was quite light if at all... My brother has been training singing all day long. Probably trying to attract girls by his vocal charm I guess. Hmm, seriously, there are other ways of getting to know more girls in his social circle. Wonder why he chooses to do that? Anyway, because he tried to perfect the same few songs he played on the computer every day, he made me get sick of those songs! Yucks, now I hate to hear the nice songs to be sung either by him or someone else again.

Don't like drinking beer or alcohol... But environment makes me drink pretty much. Puked last Saturday... My stomach's totally upset and I just want to refrain drinking alcohol...

Watched "Just Follow Law" today. It's quite funny throughout. It turned out better than I thought. Well, although the idea of switching gender spiritually is rather cliche, it highlights many other issues existent in the society pretty well... Made me think about it and feel touched. Ending is crappy though. Haha...

Happy Chinese New year to all!

It's not that bad to do duty on Saturday which is a New Year Eve day. There isn't any fire drill and we can enjoy steamboat dinner together. Not that bad, I'm just worried what the CO will think or do when he sees us having it at a place that we shouldn't. Ha, can't mention where though. It's really becoming more and more unbearable doing duty. Firstly due to the hot sun which makes me feel really dehydrated and de-energised. Secondly, having no one to talk to and having nothing to do make it all worse for the QM on watch. Like a idiot hanging around the QM brow. At least for the night shift, there's someone for me to talk to. =D

::CNY Day 1::
I'm really very tired due to previous day's duty doing 2nd watch. Nevertheless, I was still rather excited for the Chinese New Year. Tried so hard to bear over so many days not to wear the new clothes till CNY comes. Hee, no particular rational over it but I believe it feels much better to wear it for the first time during CNY. Hmm, this is what I wear for day 1. Actually, I saw many clothes I like when I did shopping earlier. But they were all in black and white colours which my mum won't like it for me to wear during CNY. The photos I took with my relatives aren't in my camera. I'll get them later along with those taken in Malaysia earlier.

After praying, went to 2nd Uncle's house and stayed there throughout. It's quite boring as usual and I fell asleep eventually. When I woke up, it's about time to have dinner already. Blackjack started late in the evening. I didn't seem to have much luck that day. My $10 capital losses fluctuate a lot. Ultimately, I quit after recoup $8 which makes a balance of $2 loss. Okay, I'm quite a miser in terms of losing money for gambling. Lol.

::CNY Day 2::
This was what I wear for CNY day 2. Mm, it's a wrong choice actually. The day is actually quite warm and the houses I go to don't switch on their air-con in spite of the weather condition. =X This is actually the day I collect more ang pao for me most of the times. Amount not going to be disclosed of course. Ha, I think it's quite little compared to many of my friends'. Heh, shouldn't compare... Different family background anyway.

After I collect the ang pao for the day, LAIS asked me out. I realised I didn't bring my wallet out and decided to join them later. =P However, they agreed to sponsor all my expenses. Ha, think I'm getting too embarrassed to go out with them anymore since I seem to be spending their money all the time.. =X As usual, the gang this time is GY, LAIS, Sgt Eng Joo and me. Staff Ong is out because he has a family to look out for during this time I guess. Had dinner at Sakae Sushi and ate plenty of food before we left. There's really a long queue when I reached there and all the food ordered will be served at a minimum waiting time of 30 minutes. Whew... I remembered my stomach's still growling then. Lol.

After that, we idled around for some time to take photos with our respective birth year animal sign. Photos are with LAIS. GY was rather reluctant to take photos... I think there's a reason behind it... After much plee, GY finally agreed to take photos and go to party world KTV to sing. Hmm, I think it's rather expensive there consider no extra time allowed for singing, cheapskate fruits and tidbits given. Only the drinks are of larger proportion. Yep, there's a variety of genres everyone is interested in singing so it's quite interesting. The only common thing is that everyone was singing rather sad songs in there. Lol... Why so~?

::CNY Day 3::
This is what I wear for today. Found out today that my cousin Yan Li broke up with her boyfriend. We all thought that she ditched him but turned out the other way round. She's gotten so much attention today from many relatives on how to choose prospective spouse. Oh man, spare me such attention in the future. Ha. Had "Lau Yu Sheng" at 3rd Aunt's house. Reminded me of the time I participated one at Resolution recently. That one was really madness... even the officers are not spared from the flying speckle of food. Anyway, it's crammed and noisy in there. I was sweating a lot in there. To sum up these 3 days, I didn't really gamble much or eat that much... Didn't seem much like the Chinese new year I knew since young. Anyway, here's the CNY decoration I saw at Esplanade. Many other cuttings were there, neat, intricate and creative... Really a "wow" when I look at it. What do you think?

Busy busy now... will update again when there's a chance...

I think after what she's done to me, I'm quite touched but still unable to feel that real connection between me and her. I think the fault lies in me. She has tried very hard on her part for it yet I did nothing in comparison. I wonder should I really do things with my heart or is it better to fool myself to do things out of my will? By then maybe things would have become different?

I'm just so lost. She may not be coming back. I'm utterly speechless, what am I going to say. What good will I do even if she stays...?

Had a really really pleasant birthday this year!

First of all, thanks to Kai Yang, Choon Pei, Ping Aik, Aiping, Francis, Jaron, CAIS, GY, Hoi Ching, Kingsly, Ruth, Padma, Navin, Serene, Hanwei, Karin for wishing me a happy birthday! I'm quite guilty because for many of them, I've forgotten to do the same last year.. =P

Anyway, was really surprised when Esmond messaged me to ask me out. I was thinking it's just a casual outing with the JC guys again. I agreed to him nevertheless. Least did I thought it was a gathering to celebrate my birthday. Some did not go because they were waiting for reply. Ha. It's a celebration at KBox. Didn't bring any camera so the photos are of quite low quality. Here's a snapshot of my cake. Hee, looks nice right? Lots of cream and chocolate for me to feel sinful again. Ha. The two candles sadly indicate my second phase of life. I'm now 20 already with the digit 2 in front. Lol, ok... everyone grows old, no one can be stagnant in their youth so I guess I should quit complaining and start to cherish, enjoy and lead a meaningful youthful life. Thanks Estella, Fiona, Esmond, Jian Yuan and Weiquan for being able to make the celebration successful.

:: O bar celebration ::
After the ops dinner, GY and Staff Ong insists to bring me to bar to celebrate my birthday. I'm a bit anxious about it because I hope they don't bring me to those "places". I won't want to go anyway. Anyway, I managed to go in even though I'm underage. Lol. The bouncer inside wanted to check my entry proof seal before allowing me to enter 2nd level. Ha. For the first few hours we are there, the place is still not warmed up yet. Not many people are dancing except for Keng Xiang's friends. Mm, there are only 1 eye candy there initially. Not for my age anyway. Just that Eng Joo and GY were staring at her. GY wasn't that obvious... The group of us played some games as initiated by Staff Ong to warm up the conversations. I learned quite a few but my reactions were slow and ended up getting mocked by everyone. It's okay...haha. Leslie felt a bit out of place and soon left O bar before everyone gets high enough. Mm, I'm not sure if I bored everyone when there's girl called Rachel sat beside me and started talking to me... Eng Joo told me that it's the case why he left. Erm... Anyway, here are the photos I took with my colleagues. The one in cap is Rachel. I wasn't that drunk as her and LAIS I guess. I was still alert but in a rather good mood that's all. I think it was overall quite an enjoyable experience. Thanks to GY, Staff Ong, LAIS that I can enjoy the session for free... =P It's quite expensive for having ordered so much drinks...

Mum did something simple... She bought a cake for me, sang me a song and gave me ang pao. Ha, I still like it nevertheless... I hope this year will be a good year for me and my friends.. Life's actually can be pleasant if everything is that simple.. =)

The new contact lenses feel much more comfortable. They're thinner and less dry. Should I be contented with that or should I try acuvue? I realise colour contact lenses are hard lenses. Haven't try before but heard that it's not as comfortable.

I think I should set my mind off relationships for the time being. I'm not getting it right at this moment.. I should have been in it when I'm ready and not stuck in a situation like that.

Feeling feverish since yesterday night. Been feeling emotional again... Don't know why I feel like crying every time I hear that song.

mm. Yesterday was another bad day. Upon arriving at the Tuas base, my bag strap gave way and it landed out loud on the ground. Quite embarrasing I thought, never did I thought that fall will cost my PSP LCD screen to crack and cost me $120 to repair. I discovered that only on my way from Tuas when I need that the most to keep my boring journey some entertainment... Heartache~ Sob... It's still so new you know?

On my way back, saw several patches of wet mud, thought I'll be able to keep clear of it by stepping aside which the grass covered the ground. It's still muddy. Now my shoes are stuck with the mud and soil.. Still can't be removed yet. Haiz...

When I'm back in camp, officer of the day is XO. The one I have to see regarding the mistake I made during Thursday's watch. Mm, what a coincident. It was also Staff Ong's POOD and Thiru's fire drill accessment that day. Moreover, there are 2 OJTs understudy, so definitely a fire drill will be held that day. Diao~ Was thinking that I should have finished thursday's watch and relax after the GPMG course... Wahaha... Not forgetting that I will have to muster arms that day when it's supposed to be Chia's responsibility... Well, can't be anything worse, so I still cheer myself up after that.

Found out that SGFORUMS is an interesting site, started reading recently only. Go find out if you're curious about it. Ha. Also, it's been confirmed that I have sailing on my birthday eve till my birthday. Afterwhich, I have a duty on that day too. Mm, yep, got to smile because it's the last time I'll have my birthday in camp anyway...

The main problems with me are that I can hardly be decisive, easily influenced, soft-hearted and inexperienced. Such traits are causing me to face situations helplessly. My mum believes that if something needs to be done, do it. Got to set the will and heart even if it's cruel in some ways. Well, it can be that I didn't inherit any of her traits then, lol.

Had a 10/04 outing few days back. Mm, before that I was wondering to go for it or not. So far, it hasn't really been very fun for me. Honestly speaking, the class is really fragmented. I wasn't sure if everyone is genuinely interested in the outing or just going with the flow, the mass of people in the class. Every time, when I'm out with them, I either feel happy talking to the girls or the guys at one time, not as a class no matter how much I try to sort out my conversations to suit both. Somehow I just never get to voice this out but it just feels so uncomfortable...

However, it's a rare occasion for my class to get a gathering with Ms Fong especially after J2. Everyone changed a little bit especially the girls. Some guys still remember pretty much the same. Ha, I don't know for them how much or little I've changed... Ha, I hope other than appearance, my character is better?

The session wasn't that fruitful in that I haven't really found out what they've gone through so far. But I thought it's inevitable that the gap will widen once we embark on our separate ways... I miss the old days.

Mm... I didn't know what's on my mind... Have I become partially numb by the pain of what happened to me before? Has that made me unable to see my true feelings? I really don't know what's going on...

Happy new year!

Ha, this post came a bit late but nevertheless still here than never. Thanks to many for the new year greetings sent to me. Hope this year will be better than last year and I definitely look forward to this year. My ORD year! =P

Shall post the fireworks pictures later, haven't scale down the size for blog display yet. I tried using the night mode to take the photos. It's got a brighter ambience lighting but because I held it by hand, the fireworks turn out looking different than it ought to be. Lol, it runs out my battery faster too... I had 2 out of 3 bars and it just ran out after about 3 shots plus a few sec video clip capture? Lol...

Cai cai, eugene, ah gong and me had a long day out. Our outing was supposed to be quite short actually but had to be out there very long due to the immense crowd.. It seems that I really prefer Singapore population to be 3 million instead of 4 million... Lol. Ah gong has a big appetite, he can finish carl's junior set meal with no problem at all.. For me, finishing the side orders seem to be rather difficult and sinful already, ha. Just the size of its calamari rings can tell. That night we were pushing each other to refill the drinks... the cup is big but the drink runs out fast, (maybe we're just very thirsty?) so we refilled several times that day.

Took another driving lesson today. It's disastrous and I'm very very worried that by the time I take the TP test, I'll pass it... Guess I'll probably take that test as a learning experience then.

That day, taxis were the kings of the road. There really weren't any other vehicles except few buses occasionally. The taxis just refused to stop if you flag for them and I suppose they only take calls by which they can earn more? Luckily for me, there's a night rider bus that takes me quite near to my house otherwise gotta really get ripped by the expensive cab fares... Ha.

Had a personal problem which I don't really want to share... Felt quite troubled by it because it's my fault but I just can't help doing that... It's really what I feel about things even if it's wrong? Hmmz.... Don't know what to do... I can't be forced to things I can't get used to...

*Update*
These are the 2 pics I took from my camera. Eh, actually the effects are different but taken with night effect blends the fast moving light into disarray I suppose. Look at the second picture... Seems as if there's flame tongue in the background, haha.

It's so lucky of me to escape from duty on Christmas eve and new year eve. Ha, I must be so blessed.

Today Chief AIS talked to me regarding my life on-board ship. I was kind of shocked. Initially, I thought what kind of crap is he trying to play again... Ended up as some sort of serious chat. My surprise came from the fact that actually someone there cares about how I really feel all these while... I mean I've already trying my best to convince myself that whatever fucked up things that happen, I'll just take it in my stride since I will treat all that as my work or service in NS. After that, I'll just scram off and shoo... All the nasty things are out of my mind. That's what I thought. I couldn't really voice out how touched I was to know that actually someone cares. So should I start to change my view of the rest of the days in NS? Can I really feel like a part of the ship?

Visited Staff Lee today. His face was scratched red with a few prominent scars, other than that, he seemed okay. But the serious part of his injury is actually with his internal bleeding of organs over the past few days. He told me that it stopped now and should be able to discharge tomorrow. Well, he takes everything so firm and steady and as if he's really ready for anything. That kind of spirit is something that I always look up to.

Bought the "Secret" album. Very satisfied with the quality of her dvd album. The music videos are very colourful and lively. However, some parts are very westernised which I thought that she's very influenced by the western culture and thus the MVs are that way.

Ha.. Think I'll either be doing duty on Christmas eve or Christmas that day. No choice, that's life in NS. I think I'm getting along just fine with the ship crews and I really feel blessed sometimes that things in life are not all that bad. Wonder if there's truly god who watches over me. Hee, it's just easier to believe there is.

I'm just kind of worried for my brother at this stage. It seems that his character is very much different. More aggressive, impulsive, selfish, arrogant, domineering these days. I'm worried whether such traits will worsen further on in his life. It seems as though it's a stage under puberty but I thought he's beyond that stage. But maybe it's his mind that's undergoing some psychological change in his teenage years? I've been through that stage but I still can't seem to guide him... Wonder if it's best to just leave him as he is or continue to try to guide him along...

Went Malaysia last week. My cousin's oversea marriage took place in Port Dickson but my family and I had the chance to tour briefly other areas in Malaysia such as Malacca. It was a tour bus that I remember sitting in all the time. I didn't expect that kind of trip. Thought will be staying over at a place more often. Aunt planned this for everyone to have a short tour along the trip. But the trip was reasonably ok since it wasn't meant to be a shopping trip in the first place.

That's my brother playing his psp happily on his bus. Well.. to each his own... I get bored doing the same thing over. Seems like I've grown to become more impatient eh?

Anyway, it was my first time watching and hearing crackers explode at such a near distance. The noise is blaring loud, made me feel deaf for a short time after. Ha... Actually, I feel that it's ok for crackers to be allowed in Singapore.

I hate myself for becoming so forgetful every now and then. I kept on forgetting to bring camera at the important moments. I only managed to get a few shots of memories back there. Some were even from my hand phone in shaky motion. Lol, how pathetic.

This was taken by my phone at the wedding place. It's kind of like a restaurant near the seaside. The venue was chosen and sponsored by Chuck's parents so I suppose my cousin had little say about the wedding style over at Malaysia. These photos are of my cousin's "jie meis" and me. Feel so honoured that they wanted to take photo with me.

Anyway, here's other photos of Chuck and Karin. I think holding the skirt for bride is quite a worthwhile job. Joemin had gotten about $50 just for that. Oh, how come I never had the opportunity to help wedding couples open door and earn extra bucks... Ha... Oh I learned that drinking much water at night will make yourself look bulgy especially at the eye regions due to water retention. Interesting, isn't it?

The food in Port Dickson didn't much interest me due to the additional influence of flying creatures. Lots and lots of houseflies. The number that they come in is so much more that I think probably surpasses any lousy hawker health standard in Singapore. Not trying to be biased but that's just what I saw. However, I'm not too particular or fussy in that when I'm hungry. Feeding oneself is still important. Ha.

*Will continue the update later.. Watch out for this post. Thanks.. :D

Another post up and coming... Now it's here. Ha, not much new things to bring up actually. Did a few stupid stuff. I've got to do a safety poster by this week too. Can't think of a slogan yet...

Great news for psp homebrew lovers. Look! 3.01 can be emulated fully on devhook! Wonder what Sony's counter-reaction will be. That's its latest firmware at the moment and the hackers are at that speed of development. Considering the tight constraint running their personal life and contributing to the homebrew community concurrently, I must really respect them for their hardwork. Check out Pspupdates for more information.

Did a stupid photoshop image of myself. The one portion I'm quite happy is with the artificial hair I created by strokes of mouse movement. (Not tablet, mind you, ha) It was after much pondering that I decided to put a face in after doing the hair. Much adjustments have to be made for face size and shadows. Comments please! I'm not too pro so don't be too harsh on me all right? o_O! Maybe I'll do a better job next time. :X

Next up is the introduction of this person known as Angela Aki. Known her because she sings for FFXII's theme song, "Kiss me goodbye". Her voice is nice, strong and soothing. Only that she has her own sense of music and the overall feel of song doesn't feel too "FF" for that game. Okay, maybe that's just my feelings about the song. She's another "Utada" who can sing for both english and japanese version of that song. She doesn't look much like a japanese to me actually, ha. I suppose the direction of final fantasy in the future will probably engage professionals that are bilingual in both of these languages since it's going to be best-selling in these 2 regions especially new singers for future titles?

Today I tried to apply leave through the system. What would be good for the force didn't occur to me. I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why there's problem occuring to my account suddenly and having to go through the "ancient" method of using paper leave forms instead. I got to find this and that person just to get a form signed. That doesn't mean that the issue is closed. I found out later that I still need to inform my chief to contact someone to get my account working. (Did this confuse anyone?) But I doubt I'll see my chief any earlier due to leave clearance. Anyway, I also found out that many had applied leaves during christmas period and had been approved. That means probably I'll be singing carols in camp with other ship crews... Oh, that's pretty pathetic I think.

Found out that my mum's under lots of stress recently. She didn't tell me. I discovered that myself and tried to console her today. I'm getting more empathetic I realise. I just hope that my brother will grow mature and be understanding to my mum so that it'll be a happy family every day.