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More Rants

This coming freshmen orientation camp is going to be the 6th one in 4 years. LOL. I feel so old for this, seriously. I don’t think I will make any close friends with this batch that is coming in? Probably the age gap is there and the university phase is very much different, I suppose… I guess that’s the price to pay to stay hall. I feel like escaping out from these obligations. It would have been nice to do things you really want to do.

Have you ever thought that things used to be better? For example, I was listening to Usher’s old songs and thought they sounded very much better in the past than the current techno songs. Other than that, I also think that the weather was a lot more pleasant in the past than now. So freaking hot. It used to be 31 degrees max on hot day. Not anymore. Ha.

It’s a bad thing to think of things these way. Because I’ll never stop looking back if I always think so. Live in the present, and if I don’t like it, change it or try to change it? Trying to tell myself so.

Love the way you lie

I wonder what's with the controversial lyrics like this... Although music is nice but who would like anyone who lies. So weird...

Worldly Affairs

Hmm, so much things are happening around the world. I wonder was it because I was more ignorant back then or there just wasn’t so many disasters happening.

Saw on the news how E. Coli spreaded like wild fire in Europe and how at the same time, Taiwan is spreading consumers’ fears and rage about the plasticizer those heartless bastards use in manufacturing food to other Asian countries through exports.

The part about E. Coli’s DNA similarity to AIDS made me wonder if it was a man-made disease meant to spread or what. I heard the restaurant that spread this, only the customers were affected despite the restaurant staff ate the same food too.

In China, the flood was invading the towns once again, crashing lots of trees and stressing the bridges.

On Singapore’s side, the heavy rain has once invaded a few central regions. Even after the preparation of rainwater flooding, Tanglin Mall was badly affected. It is said that the weather has since changed and the fundamental infrastructure needs to be relooked at. Well, Vivian sure is unlucky. He has just changed portfolio and here comes his first problem.

The weather has changed drastically recently. Not that I’m spreading fear but seems like whether it is nature that predicts the end of the world in 2012, signs are pointing to it? Ha. Probably even if there isn’t one, committed believers would make it happen? Scary thought…

1st Day of Exam

I decide to name this post this title not because I am taking exam this semester but lately I feel that thinking of the same issue as the rest of the nation is now talking makes me upset.

Why? What happens when the people you love, do not believe in the same things you do? Do not see the same vision as you? Or share the same sentiments as you? This feeling has been so strong recently that it feels like a part of me is being torn apart through that difference.

I had never care for what the government has done. I used to be very apathetic to the things around me. Not until when it comes to the age when I need to exercise my right to vote. I may not have walk the grounds with the leaders to see what they are doing but as a responsible voter, I read and watch what the leaders from both sides have to say. I have an open mind what each one is doing. PAP may have been the leaders that brought Singapore from nothing to something. From the kampungs to the high rise buildings we have today, from relying on others to become self-sufficient. Yes, this is the success we need to thank the PAP and our forefathers for it.

But the present cannot be always judged by the past. A society needs to move on. Singapore has recently been plagued by many problems and the current PAP leaders have not always given a satisfactory solution/reply to people’s government. Yes, I agree that there are still exemplary leaders in PAP but Singapore citizens have the fundamental rights to decide for themselves what they want to see for our generations and beyond. If the outcome is to have an alternative voice so that the ruling party can be more consistent in its system, so be it. Why deny us of the chance and tell us that we have to “live and ‘repent’ for the next five years if we vote for the Workers' Party (WP) team at Aljunied GRC”? I thought repentance is used for relationship between mortals and god? It has reached a stage whereby PAP thinks that they are indispensible and present an arrogant attitude towards Singaporeans.

Since young, I am taught that Singapore practises in democracy. It is only in my adult age did I realise the democracy Singapore is practising defers much from the true democracy. Moreover, I have seen footage that was censored off from the media regarding 0perati0n c0ldst0re. Vime0 has a link and I believe you can find it if you want to see. It shocks me to the level of injustice that can be done to a man in the name of democracy. On what moral grounds is Singapore then lecturing other countries to be morally right then?

Never mind the way the election is not formed from an independent committee but from the prime minister’s office. And never mind the electoral boundaries are redrawn elections after elections. I just want an alternative voice that can provide alternate perspectives to policies and not to have remedies done as an after thought. I will not cast my votes rashly to the opposition if they do not earn my respect and if its policy is not for the general good for the Singaporeans. Because what is being said at the rally could be just empty talk. However, if Singaporeans do not give them a chance, how are we to know that they are not up to it?

Lastly, I am not here to persuade anyone to think the same as me. I believe everyone should be responsible and vote for what they think is right, be it PAP or other parties. If whatever that happens, I only hope that the common consensus is to have a better tomorrow for us Singaporeans.

Bits and Pieces of My Life

There are many interesting things that people experience over time. Here’s mine.

A common response when they ask me what course I am from and after I replied them is, “Could you help me solve my computer problem?”

LOL, I think people usually mistake computer engineers with computer technicians. I would say during my course of study, most of what I could do is self-learning and not what I pick up from the course. There are some useful modules that I learnt, but I hope there was more.

And when people look at my websites or digital designs, they will comment… “Wow, you are very good at computer!” I believe the artistic styles have nothing to do with whether you know a lot about the computer or not. I’d rather they attribute it to my creativity, seriously.

I also get asked by my current roomie very often, “Wa! You stalking people on Facebook ah?” I explained that I am replying to my friends and he was doubtful about it. “Got so many things to do on Facebook one meh?”

I actually receive notifications and event invitations from people. If he finds nothing to do on Facebook because of inactivity or some other reasons, that’s his business. I find it very intrusive of that comment especially if I don’t know him very well.

I have to admit that I may not be sensitive with words all the time but I think one should at least try to put words properly so it sounds appropriate within context.

Remember

谁还记得是谁先说 永远的爱我
以前的一句话是我们 以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得 当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手说要一起 走到最后

我们都忘了 这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的 有一天 有一天都会停的
让时间说真话 虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后 我们都不知道 会不会有以后
我们都累了 却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑 怎么说 怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么 也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人 等着对方先说 想分开的理由

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中看见了 不同的天空
走得太远终于走到 分岔路的路口
是不是你和我 要有两个 相反的梦

谁还记得是谁先说 永远的爱我
以前的一句话是我们 以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得 当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手说要一起 走到最后
我和你手牵手说要一起 走到最后
Just had a splendid birthday celebration on Sunday. Though it was short, I enjoyed it. =D But I wasn't really excited about the birthday. I don't know why. It's not about receiving presents or money that excites me... but I really like the birthday surprises my friends plan for me.

It's going to be competition day real soon on Wednesday. Hope my friends and I get "All Stunts Up"! Go, fight, win!

I'm thinking about moving away from this blog to elsewhere. I'll see when I'm free to do up another one.

Bye 2010, Hello 2011

It’s new year eve. I’m going to be going through the zodiac twice already. That’s how old I’m getting. This year, I had a fair share of fun and sadness. Saying goodbye is not as easy as I thought.

Some photo memories of this year. Lots of gatherings, outings and goodbyes this year.

IMG_1581menguysOEferryterminalmeyounVJ134esmejyafterworkgrpphotoeditedmayeebdaygrpphotokayakingtogfamilyphototogkaraokeoutinglaksaclassmontage

I hope next year will be a better year. Same to you people too! Happy new year!

Cheers!

So Fucked Up

I’m feeling so down now. I hate the feeling of rejection and I’m rejected twice in a row for industrial attachment. Is it so freaking hard to get one? Are they so realistic to just use GPA to judge a person by that? I so wish to start university all over so that I can make things right again. =(

Smile!

Are there times when youbeach picture just smile foolishly at the image of yourself, friends or family? Or to a non animated object? It’s silly but that feeling is good. The surge of good memories rejuvenates you and makes you feel alive.

I want to go to the sea again. It’s a place where I can clear my mind to reflect. I don’t want to be told by people what I have to get in life. I want to find out for myself what I want in life.

Lots of things going through my mind now. Rougher than turbulent if there's such a description. If I were to go for GIP Google, I had to sacrifice lots of things. I will

NOT BE:
  • with my loved ones.
  • around during CNY, reunion with all my family and relatives
  • collecting hong bao.
  • spending time with bao =((
  • having any birthday celebration
  • having much time to play unlike others in IA period.

and I will BE:
  • alone, sad, cold in the winter period.
  • cooking for eating is expensive there too, surprisingly.
  • staying with people I do not know.
  • work, work, work and then study on Saturday.
  • be trained to speak every thing in Chinese. (It's actually very hard because most of the specific computer terms I do not know the chinese equivalent names)
  • missing all the Singapore food, home-cooked ones especially.
  • away from hall, meaning MIA from all the hall commitments that I am in (Cheerleading, WSC, publication subcom, Megafest)

On a serious note, the thing that perturbs me most is having to fork out more than $6000 for the global immersion. My IA allowance won't even cover 1/6 of it. Grant application had closed. The only thing available is loan. My mum will need to fork out that amount for me first. Unlike most of my other peers who can actually afford this comfortably, I am kind of uncomfortable with my mum forking out the money. Since I had decided to pay for the 4 years of university fees myself (through bank loan first), I decided that I should bear the cost of my own education fees. My other peers could be much better off in their career next time without having to clear debts but that's their life. Mine's different. Calculating my father's monthly income (without CPF) and a housewife's money, I'm doubting how much money that could be. Feeling so heavy a burden.

Is this all worth it for a HOPE of better future?


This semester, the 2 sociological courses I'm undertaking make me have a different view of society. No, or rather, if I was not needed to take the electives, I would never have stop and think about how inequality in the world exists and why they continue to exist for centuries despite the outcries of people who demand for equality. One interesting thing is that my lecturer said, "you think you see race but you don't. It is a social construction." The so called race that most people see is unconsciously tied up with stereotypes that leads to most people accepting each other of the same "colour". However, if what sociology teaches people to see the society in a different light, why are most people not taught that?

I've been feeling lazy. I've not watched a movie, shopping, cycling, played a video game or gymming for a long time. I'm staying at home staring at the computer screen alternating between Facebook and lecture notes. Other than that, I'm dedicating my soul to hall activities. Recently I designed a couple of logos. Here's a preview of the ones I did. I really thought it's not bad but it was not what my committee thinks. So upset.

What do you do if someone does not accept your apology?

20/10/2010

I joined WSC. Volunteer work has been out of my life for a very long time, why did I take it up? I don’t know actually. Part of me wanted to do something different this semester. I went to the RSPVH website and I was briefly touched by the video. I thought if you can make a difference to someone’s life, why not? I went for the events and I could feel that I wouldn’t be very close to the VH people but at least if I stay committed to the cause it would be all right.

I finished paintball event today. Yesterday to be exact. Finally. It feels good. I guess I was given a hall because of that and I would feel uncomfortable if I didn’t finish it. Fortunately Jeremy and I were not in the same plight as the OE’s organisers 2 years ago. I feel that much could be done to improve the event but nevertheless, I hope they enjoy the event though.

My phone screen cracked. The fragments are too many to count. =( I don’t know if it’s still held intact by the screen protector. It looks really bad and it’s hard for me to live with it. It’s so hard to read what’s on the screen like that. The repair cost should be around $180 I guess. I need to go down to HTC service centre to ask. Just did a search on it and the reviews don’t seem too positive. =(( Hai…

Lights at night, weight gain link

Lights at night, weight gain link

True Feelings

Many of my friends are going overseas, or are about to go overseas. It’s really sad to send them off one by one. Then here you are, feeling all by yourself. As an adult, our behaviour are moulded by the social norms what should or shouldn’t be. Many of the friends hide their sadness from the people leaving overseas and to react only thereafter. Maybe this is something that adults can be envious of little children being able to show their true emotions as how they feel.

funny_wallpapers_creative_wallpaper_dandelion_014644_Perhaps by participating in meaningful activities, I can keep my mind off into emotional thoughts during my free time. I had let go of the past activities that I felt unhappy about. I don’t think anyone else understands that though. Let’s hope it works out fine. Let troubles be gone.

School Starts All Over Again!

Strangely, this time round, I actually look forward to the start of school. School holiday was too long and not that enjoyable. Bulk of it was working as an intern. For an intern pay it is considered not bad but really. What learning opportunity was there in my workplace? I couldn’t see it at all. =(

FOC ended too. It was nice being programmer actually. Didn’t have to run around with the freshies which is a really tiring task. As a GL, the moment you open your eyes. Oh gosh, your responsibilities start! You feel like a nanny sometimes just that your kids aren’t young. However, it’s a nice experience to go through both. I got to know a few more seniors better. However, very few freshies get to know me this year. =/

I hope I can have everything pan out in time. Why did I always choose to procrastinate?

Bad idea is a bad idea no matter how you defend it. So I’m not going to defend myself then.

Finally managed to get my boss to grant me a week off for hall FOC. If not, my involvement in FOC preparation would be for naught. The only drawback is that I have to stay back a week later. So there will be no rest for me. Work lasts until the time I start school exactly... =/ I've been working every day non stop since June. (+ tuitions) Sometimes, tiredness just makes you feel like dropping everything that you're holding on to...

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Met up with my navy friends. Thinking back, I was only 19 then. 4 years have passed. It sure didn't felt that long. We had talked about graduation trip. Not that I don't wish to go but I don't think I have that much money to dispense for that kind of purpose. I wish I had but to me, that amount of money has a better use.

From a really personal example I see from a friend, I realise how saying the wrong things can get people to be really irritated with you.

My friend A keeps disturbing friend B by calling him names and putting him down. Friend B feels disturbed by it and I sense friend B creating a barrier between friend A and himself. Whenever friend A does that again, he will just ignore as if friend A had never spoken a word. Ouch.

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YOG buses are given really special priorities on the road. Lanes dedicated for them, special plate numbers, and other vehicles have to give way to them. Wow, sounds cool isn't it? The only problem I thought is when the actual time comes. The vehicles might not even care to give way.

In a normal situation, I was standing 2 persons away from the MRT train door at Simei. When the train doors started to open, there were many passengers furiously banging themselves upon me out to the door.

Not only did they not say any word of "Excuse me" or "Please give way", they make the "tsk" sound aloud, as if I'm purposely blocking the door. Bear in mind, I wasn't directly standing at the door front and the door has only STARTED to open.

Moreover, I'm not fat enough to occupy 3 persons' space, I really don't see why Singaporeans are doing this. How gracious can it be now that we are treating foreigners when among the locals, such basic respect and courtesy is lacking?

I can only think that there will be many cars that purposely refuse to take heed of the YOG bus unless a fine is imposed on that. Like seriously.

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Still hasn't find a good birthday venue... Oh no. =(

Year 3 Semester 1 will be a really boring semester for me. What should I do for this semester other than study?
People do things for various reasons. Out of fear, appreciation, or passion.

Fear of losing jobs, so in the morning, people rush their cups of coffee, rushing to squeeze onto the bus, thus appearing to be enthusiastic about work when in fact they are not.

Appreciation. Some people have a strong need to be accepted. If they're doing things that people appreciate, they will certainly do it. Although to some extent, other people may be making use of him/her. I think I know someone who's like that.

If it's passion, the passion flame is indeed amazing. It keeps you pumped up to do things you believe in despite how others think about it. However, passion can die off and I think a kind of flame in me has died. Things that seemed very meaningful back then no longer appears so.

---

Going to be into year 3 soon. I've been giving my future some deep thoughts. I do not have any concrete plans for the future. How am I to ensure I'll not be caught in the "rat race" in the future? I need some planning...

June

I can smell the dust on my blog already. Ha.

I’m so engrossed with my new phone, HTC Desire. It’s looking beautiful, does what I want, sync things easily. Simple transfer of photos, videos, etc. Multi-task quickly with any apps I want. Great apps and games support from Android App Store and it’s growing at a rapid rate. The only drawback is the short battery life. Sure, I can control my phone to do less amazing stuff to turn off auto sync, push emails. The next HTC software upgrade will be making it better, full flash support (yay! flash do works on mobile, Apple, just you wait), 2 to 3X faster, apps on SD cards (Oh this is SO SO important). So HTC, please make my wish comes true soon.

I’ll be performing at ION orchard this Saturday. I hope I’ll do all right. It’s hard to smile foolishly at the audience, swing to the music and to get all the beats right.

I hope I will not have to pluck wisdom teeth. Expensive and torturous. But maybe I won’t have to. I’m too old to have that growing out at this moment right?

July and August is going to be a hell for me. Accepted for an internship. I’ve been told that I’m getting pretty low compared to the scale of the company. I hope I can pull it through.

A Story

Today, my dad told me a real life story of someone else. It started from this young boy who grew up in Malaysia. There was once when he was studying, a woman came to visit him while he was in school. However, his friends look at this person with a frightened look on their faces. The woman handed the young boy some money. His friends were bewildered at how the young boy is related to that woman. That woman looks weird as she had a sunken eyehole as she had lost an eye. As soon as the woman left, the whole group of children surrounded him. They asked and teased him, “Who’s that one-eyed freak? How are you related to her? She looks weird and scary! You are one weirdo too!” The boy’s pride was hurt and he answered embarrassingly, “She’s my mother.” Turns out that his mum worried that he would not have enough money for school, so came to visit him.

When the young boy reached home, he scolded his mum. “Mum, why did you come and visit me? Everyone was laughing at me. You shamed me! Everybody asked why you look so ugly!” His mum felt very hurt but said nothing.

When he was studying in University, his mother came to visit him in his hostel. He hasn’t come home for a long time. His mother missed him. Again, she was being yelled at for making an appearance at his school for the very same reason. She felt dejected but kept quiet again.

Eventually, the young boy grew up into a young man. He decided to move out of Malaysia and migrate to Singapore to stay and work. He visited her very occasionally. He now has a family of his own in Singapore. His mum very much wanted to see his children and him. However, she knew that her son doesn’t like her. So she secretly peeked at them from a distance in a vicinity when she came over Singapore. However, she was found out and the man gave her another scolding she did not deserve. She went back Malaysia.

For a very long time, the man did not return home to visit his mum. Neither did his mother come over to visit them. There was no one answering the phone when he called. Hence, one day, he decided to return home to see how his mother was doing at home.

To his surprise, there were no one living at that house anymore. He asked the neighbours about his mum. They looked at him with a peculiar expression and told him that she had passed away long ago. He listened in disbelief. How would he not know when his mother died. He went to the lawyers to see if there was a will set up by his mum. There were a small sum of money for him and a letter accompanying it. He read it.

Son. I love you so much. I know that you hate me a lot for looking like this. But you know, I didn’t used to look like this at all. I had a normal face like everyone else. When you were young, you had an eye infection. I went to many doctors to seek for medical help but it didn’t help. They said that you had to remove the eye if not your life would be in great danger. To lose an eye at a very early age would be a pain and I ask if there is any chance of a donation that could save his eye. Doctors after doctors, they tell me that is not possible in Malaysia. No one would do that. No unrelated organ donation is common at that time. If transplant is not made in time, you would lose the sight of an eye forever.

I volunteered to donate my eye in exchange for you to regain a normal life. I always want you to have the best in life, it doesn’t matter if I were laughed at by people. Because if I had not do that, the one to be laughed at was you. All I had hope for was for you to accept me…

With that, the man could not hold his tears. The mother he had been ashamed of his entire life did a noble act of giving him her eye. If not for that, he would not be where he is today. But it is all too late for him to salvage now. She is gone forever. So he hopes to spread his regrets around by telling people not to be ashamed of your parents. They are the ones who make you who you are. Every year now, he wishes he can tell his mum, “Happy Mother’s Day”.

How sad the story is. I guess we can all learn to appreciate how much our parents have given to us and to learn to embrace and love them with all we can. Happy Mothers’ Day to all.